My Blog

People ask me all the time what to feed a horse that needs to gain weight or what really puts weight on a horse. I think there are many variables with each horse, but in general I believe any horse that has gone hungry has an ulcer issue. Most horses that have been in any type of serious training have probably experienced ulcers. I use Gastrogard if they've been starved. I treat all the horses that come off the track with Neighlox, but I don't put it in their feed. I mix it with water and dose syringe it each morning before breakfast. With Charlie and Grandy, I treated them with Gastroguard and then eventually transitioned them to Neighlox. Bear still gets it today. I'll clarify, I call Grandy, Grandpa Cat, my Bear or my baby Bear, because he is a bear. If you ever meet him you'll see what I mean.

I fed them timothy/alfalfa hay cubes to the tune of four flakes a day. Triple Crown Complete feed supplemented with rice bran. They got the rice bran for two months. They always had hay, inside the barn and out in the field. They also got a half cup of corn oil each feeding and electrolytes and multivitamins. I worked their rations up, starting with a small amount of each thing for the first two weeks. I gave them half of a dewormer after two weeks and then a full dewormer six weeks later.

This worked out well. The third month I started to hack them around the farm. They were both wonderful to ride. I started to consider taking them to the track for a short stint. Not to prepare them for racing, but to work on Bear's starting gate issues, before he got feeling too good. I was warned he had real problems there. By this time they didn't look great, but they were healthy so I took them to the track. I had not body clipped either of them yet. They both had a ton of friends at the track and people came to visit them every day. Offering peppermints and kindness. They thought this was great. The guys at the starting gate remembered Bear. They said he had the makings of a Stake horse. They also remembered how bad he had become at the gate. I told them I didn't care how long it took, I wanted to take my time. We have a wonderful starting gate crew in Maryland and they were patient and kind. Bear got over his gate problem in no time flat. Of course it didn't hurt that Charlie was lightning fast out of the gate and loved going back there. I took them together and Bear relied on Charlie's judgment and his opinion was that the gate was a great place to go.

By this time everyone at Bowie knew about Bear and Charlie. While walking to the track one morning. Lisa the Outrider pointed at Charlie and said that's going to be my next pony. Let me tell you about Lisa, she's got a 25 year old horse that worked regularly until he was 22. He still looks like he's nine. There was no better home for Charlie in this world. By this time I knew enough about Charlie's past to realize he'd never race again. The vets told me that Ernie had bastardized his knees and if I put pressure on him, it would hurt him. That's all I needed to know, but I kept Charlie there anyway because he was much happier at the track than on the farm. Besides, he was a great training buddy for Bear and he had a new job. He was teaching Rafael to gallop racehorses. Charlie was smart -- really smart. When I galloped him he was tough. He loved to pull and he'd throw in a buck or air above the ground, just to let me know who he was. When Rafael galloped him, he pulled just as hard as Rafael could handle. He developed Rafael into a wonderful exercise rider. Rafael loves that horse to this day.

When you make a decision to do something, you don't know how important that decision truly is. Sometimes the most mundane thing you do turns out to be monumental and important. Not that buying Charlie and Grandy wasn't important, but I had no idea when I did it how significant it would be.

At this point I knew I would never race Charlie, but everyone was getting excited about Bear. He was thriving. It was time to body clip them both and get them looking like racehorses, not "farmettes". I just needed to find the time. We had a ton of horses on the farm to train as well as the horses at the track. One day JK and I were galloping on the farm and the horse JK was on spooked, not a bad spook, mind you, but JK came off. I asked him what happened because JK is like a tick, he just never comes off. He landed on his hands and knees and complained he'd hurt his shin. I was itching to get to Bowie and clip those horses so I told JK we should make it Sunday and give the rest of the horses off. He could close up the barn and I'd go back to Bowie and clip Charlie and Grandy. I hate clipping horses, but we never have the funds to pay someone else to do it, so I suck it up.

I finished up at around 6 p.m. and headed home. It was getting dark when my husband called on my cell phone and asked me where I was. I told him I was about a half hour away. He was mad when he told me he thought JK must be drinking because all the lights were on in the barn and only one horse had been brought in. My husband is not a horse person, but he knows how anal I am. Everything is done on a schedule and he knew that those horses should all be in by now. He said JK was just sitting in his car. I started calling JK on the cell phone and he didn't pick up. I was getting mad myself, but as I drove on I started thinking about it. JK would never drink and stay at the farm. He knows I'd blow a gasket and really be mad. If he drank, he stayed away from me. I started to worry, something was wrong.

When I got to the farm, I didn't see the little grey car. JK must have left and all the horses were still out. The barn lights were on. I started to bring horses in. On my way out to the second paddock, I came across JK's car. What a strange place to park. I approached and I could see him laying back in the seat. I opened the door and asked him what was going on. He looked up at me but he couldn't talk clearly. He tried to say something but it was not discernible. I noticed he had urinated on himself and immediately knew he was in big trouble. My husband was now headed across the yard, I screamed to him to call 911.

They were there in a flash and got right down to business. They did the usual coherence questions such as "Who is the President?" JK looked at them wide eyed and couldn't answer. I told them JK would never know who the President was, he was a jockey. With that one of them asked, "Who rode Secretariat?" JK responded, Ron Turcotte. They looked at me and I said, yeah, he's right, Ron is a friend of his. It turned out JK had a sub dural hematoma. He was rushed to the hospital and had surgery. It was six months before he could come back to the farm for anything more than a visit. It was a year before he would get on a horse again.

When I decided to buy Bear and Charlie, I didn't know that they would be responsible for saving JK's life. It's so funny how things happen, but the fact is that if I hadn't needed to body clip those boys and decided to do it that day, I'd have just told JK to go home and closed up the barn myself. JK lives alone. If he had gone home and gone to bed no one would have found him until the next day. Everyone agrees it would have been too late. We saved those horses, but they saved JK.

Still wayyyyy tooo much snow around here, but I know everyone is sick of hearing about it. I’ve got my boys at a farm nearby with an indoor. We’re schooling with Elizabeth Madlener five days per week and I can’t begin to describe the progress we’re making. It’s phenomenal. My riding is changing in a profound way. She is truly a master.

One of the really great things about this farm is that Samantha Allan is right next door. I can ride over for jumping sessions. It is so neat to be able to ride somewhere for a lesson and when it’s with a two star eventer who the great Jimmy Wofford recommended to me, that’s even sweeter! Well, we’ve had so much snow I haven’t ridden over there for the past ten days or so. I called Sam on Monday and said, "we really need to jump!!!" I scheduled a lesson for yesterday afternoon with her. I decided I should hand walk the Bird over for fear of stepping on something beneath the snow. I don’t know this place the way I know my own farm and I was afraid I would ride onto something especially near the beginning of the ride. It’s near a barn and there is stuff stacked around it.

Birdie now has more evidence that I am a stupid. Stupid human. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I’m 46 and in really great shape, but that snow was over my knees in places, it had drifted. I had to stop three times to catch my breath. I wasn’t sure I’d make it. It’s about a mile walk, but geeze, what a walk it was. It occurred to me everyone is talking about conditioning themselves. Several friends have purchased the Wiii exercise thing. The answer is just outside your door right now. It’s perfect aerobic exercise, if it doesn’t kill you. It's also great for developing your horse's back and hind end, but Birdie kind of hated it.

The lesson went great, Bird was a star as usual and that Sam Allan, what a good coach and instructor. She had me jumping Bird in a halter with a lead rope. For those of you who know the Bird, you can only imagine what that was like, but he was great. He really did well. I like Sam’s approach, she is very intuitive and she knows where you and your horse are. I always benefit from her insight. By the way she told me I should ride Birdie home, very intuitive. That it wouldn’t hurt him.

◊ My Bear - February 11, 2010

We're having a blizzard and everyone I know is complaining about the weather. I don't blame them, but I've decided to take this time to talk about another very important horse in my life.

It's hard to believe he's been with me for five years and that he's eleven years old. I pulled his papers when I decided to write about him and discovered this. I got Bear when he was six, and time has flown by. Dark bay or brown Gelding named Grandpa Cat, out of Grandma Peg and by Noble Cat. That's Bear's description, but that doesn't even begin to describe who he is. He is the most gentle, sensitive horse I have ever known. He appreciates everything we do for him and every moment he has with us. He would never ask us for a single thing, but is so grateful for what we give to him. Bear has a perfect, lovely soul.

I met Bear on December 13, 2005. It was a cold, raw day and they were calling for ice rain/snow mix. I picked up his trainer around 8 a.m. that morning to go take a look at him and another horse. This guy was living nearby and had mentioned them to me a month earlier, but I just wasn’t looking for a horse and he wanted too much money for them. Since then, Graycie had made some money racing and Ernie had told me he was desperate to sell these two horses.

Ernie wasn’t awake, but his housemate got him out of bed and we headed to see the horses. I knew they would look bad. This guy was a druggie and had been ruled off the racetrack because of it. I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to see. The farm where they were located was about fifteen minutes from my farm. As we drove I told Ernie that my farm was full and if I decided to buy either of them I would need about a week to move horses around to make room. He was fine with that. We drove into a subdivision with upscale homes and to a cul-de-sac. There was a house to the left and a field straight ahead with a driveway that went along it to a house that was connected to a barn. There was a turn out shed in the field that must have been made for ponies or goats or something smaller than a Thoroughbred. There were two horses in the field, a brown one and a gray one. I became silent as we walked toward the fence. My mind started to race and I told myself to stay calm. I had never seen horses this skinny before. I had seen pictures, but I now know that pictures do not convey the despair that surrounds these horses in person. I knew that if I did not take these horses they would die. As I touched one of them his hair came out in my hand.

I looked at Ernie and I suppose my face was reacting to what I was seeing. He said the reason he needed to sell them was that the people were not taking care of them and they had become thin in the last three weeks. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything at all. These horses had obviously been starving for a very long time.

I felt their legs and the brown horse was nervous and touchy. The gray was aloof, but interested. Surprisingly they had very decent legs - considering. We walked back and got in my truck and there was silence for the longest time. I knew they were severely dehydrated and there was no water to be found. I really didn’t think they had time for me to even call the ASPCA. I told Ernie we needed to get those horses out of there immediately. He said he’d take $4,000 for the pair. I know what you’re thinking, he should have given them to me, but I knew he was a drug addict and that he’d let them die. I couldn’t let that happen. I told him if he got the papers and got a signed a bill of sale that day, I would pick them up and give him $2,000. The rest would have to come later. Apparently there was a partner involved.

Ernie left for Charlestown in the snow to get the papers and paperwork. I was stunned. I knew I was paying for two horses that should be for free, but I told myself that if just one of them made it to the races, they would pay me back. They both were good racehorses on paper. The gray was named Charolais and he was by Holy Bull. He had made over $40K for this guy. The brown was named Grandpa Cat and had only run four times getting a second and two thirds. These boys could run.

The ice rain came down as evening approached and I didn’t have any stalls open, but I knew they would be better off with me. Besides, they were going to spend the night out in the ice rain either way. Ernie showed up at around 5 p.m. and we left to pick them up. JK came along to help. As we drove Ernie told me Grandy would be difficult to load and that I should school him to the trailer a lot. He said he had beat him for four hours to get him on the trailer to go to a race. I didn’t say anything.

When we got there it was dark. As we drove into the cul-de-sac I thought to myself what was wrong with these people? They drove by these horses every single day and even if you had never seen a horse before, it was clear these horses needed help. How could these people bear to see this every day?

We pulled in front of the house/barn combo and Ernie went into the barn and dragged out four bags of Reliance feed. He also gave us his tote box filled with various treatments and medications. It was really weird, and I turned my attention to the horses. Charlie/Charolais was rather easy to catch although he was suspicious of our intentions. Grandy was another story, he was frightened and wanted nothing to do with us. Ernie kept telling me we had to tranqualize him. I was afraid to do that because he was so thin and frail. When horses are in this condition it’s natural to treat them like they’re going to break if you touch them. I wanted to try to load them without giving them anything. My hope was that if Charlie went on, Grandy would follow. It was hard to ignore Ernie’s chant to use tranqualizer. I thought to myself, “you don’t care about these horses, that’s why you can’t see how dangerous giving them drugs is.”

Charlie went right on the trailer. His attitude seemed to be, anywhere is better than here, let’s go. Grandy wouldn’t even get near the trailer and once Charlie went out of his sight he became even more frightened. I think he only expected things to get worse. Grandy had no hope left that anything would ever be okay again. I was overcome with grief but I held myself together. It was obvious that the only way we would get this horse on the trailer was to tranqualize him. It made me sick to do it, but I knew we would all be better off once we were headed to Leighton Farm. The ice rain kept falling as Grandy began to relax and hang his head. It still took about a half hour to load him, but eventually he went on.

It was a long drive back to my farm, mostly because I couldn’t get away from Ernie soon enough. All the way down the road he offered suggestions on how I should train them to win races. He recounted their performances when he trained them. Oh and he was their exercise rider too so he told me how to gallop them as well.

That was the last thing on my mind. I was afraid. What should I feed them? If I fed them too much I might kill them. Of course when you looked at them you wanted to feed them everything in your barn. How I wished I had stalls for them. The thought of putting them back out in the cold rain was killing me. Still, they were going somewhere that people cared. That would have to get them through this cold hard night.

I couldn’t sleep. They were out there in the cold rain. I got up at 2 a.m. and loaded two horses onto my horse trailer. I quickly cleaned their stalls and brought Grandy and Charlie in. They were wet and Grandy was very suspicious of me. Charlie almost ran me over to get into his stall. I wondered how long it had been since they knew the safety of a clean stall. I had placed a small amount of hay and some hay cubes inside. They dug in and I felt a sense of relief.

I left for the racetrack. When I got there I talked about these two horses and found out that they had been famous at Bowie. One trainer told me Ernie tortured them. It was amazing that any horse could run like they did with the way they were treated. I found out Ernie didn’t feed them regularly when they were racing either. People were amazed they were still alive. I couldn’t accurately describe how they looked.

My helper at the track came back to the farm with me. I tried to groom them, but I couldn’t because their hair would come out too easily. As I tried to brush Grandy’s tail, the hair fell out. You couldn’t groom them. I just wanted to do something to make them feel better. To let them know they were safe, but there wasn't a lot I could do just yet.

Rafael held them while I took pictures. He didn’t say much, but his eyes widened when he saw them. He was very kind and gentle with them, like he feared they would break. I called my blacksmith and warned him “you’re never going to believe what I bought”. We dug out blankets and I felt really good putting them on. I believe the more comfortable you make a horse, the quicker he will recover. I set out to get their feet done and their teeth done asap. I wanted to deworm them but decided to wait at least a week.

The next day I tried to turn them out and Grandy went, but Charlie would not come out of his stall. He looked and me and said, “Lady, I’m staying in here where I’ve got food, water and shelter.” I didn’t blame him and decided to allow him to stay in as long as he wanted. It was a week before he agreed to go out. He rolled, did a trot and came back to the gate. I took him back in. They were both so foot sore.

Steve Guy is my dear friend and the best blacksmith in the world as far as I’m concerned. He not only has knowledge and talent, he has a love for horses similar to my own. He was sickened by what he saw when he arrived. Steve did Charlie first, and he looked haunted as he said there is no foot on this horse. “I’m going to be putting these shoes right on his sole, but it’s the only way we’re ever going to get any foot on him.” You see, when horses are starving the quality of the hoof suffers, and the feet don’t grow. Grandy was frightened and didn’t trust any of us. He wasn’t bad, it was just clear he expected to be hurt. He knew we would betray him even if we were being nice at the moment. Getting shoes on him was a long process. It took around two hours, there were so many cracks in his feet that Steve had to drill nail holes in special places to avoid nailing into the cracks. As he hammered the shoes on, Grandy resisted. Steve was upset because it was hurting him when he hammered. He didn’t want to cause Grandy pain, but the shoes were necessary. I love Steve Guy. He got shoes on both of them that day and Grandy walked down the shedrow sound when he was done. He charged the regular fee for shoeing, even though he was at my farm most of the day for two horses.

◊ The best horse in the world! - January 21, 2010

Punkie, registered name Dancing Spunky is the best horse I ever did see and I tell him that at least once a day - usually more. He never gets tired of hearing it. He knows............

When Punk was three he was at Pimlico Racetrack. One day JK said Bobby Adams had a horse he wanted to sell. This horse was by Dancing Count. I loved/love Dancing Counts, but I was just an exercise rider and at that time I didn't have a dollar or a dime. Still, a Dancing Count, I'd love to have him. He was unraced and Bobby thought he had chips in a knee. JK had the vet take radiographs. No chips, good knees, but he was way overdue for shoeing, especially behind. The vet suspected that was the reason he was off. Bobby said he was hard to shoe. Now I owed money to the vet and I was going to find a way to buy this horse.

A price of $500 was decided. I was so poor, I had to pay him off in paymentsl. Bobby kept him while I managed. JK started galloping him at Pimlico. Punkie had been in training at the track for six months, but was no picnic to gallop. He didn't want other horses anywhere near him. I was working the farm, so I wasn't there the day Punkie flipped over the rail to get away from other horses. It was decided that he should come to the farm and be rebroken. The first order of business was to put him between horses and make him go. We also had a daily ritual of picking up his feet, and handling them a lot so when the blacksmith came again, he'd be schooled. It was going great. It was easy to pick up his feet.

Dave Smoot came to the farm to do Punk. I decided to call him Punk instead of Spunky, because well -- he was a little Punk. I told Dave that he was really bad about being shod but we had been working with him and he was doing great. Dave was a big guy who had a ton of patience. Still he left with a broken toe and Punkie was now missing a shoe. We decided that we would talk to the vet and get tranqualizers if this Punk was to be shod.

Dave came back two days later and I had the acepromazine ready. Punk received an IV shot and we were ready to start. Dave left the farm that day unscathed, but we were smarter and didn't try so hard. All that schooling we had done made Punk great for us, but it was clear that he hated blacksmiths.

I talked to my vet and he made a tranqualizer cocktail and guaranteed that we'd be able to get him shod, if he could stand up. In fact if he wasn't gelded, we could have done that while we were at it. He said we would probably be able to wean Punkie to acepromazine after a few positive experiences with shoeing. The good news is the next time Dave came to the farm, Punkie got four shoes and Dave left unscathed.

We had to TQ Punkie to shoe him for his entire racing career. I don't know what happened to him, but it must have been bad, because even today, the blacksmith is not his favorite person.

Punk progressed with his training and learned to go between horses. We took him back to the track, where incidentally he loved to be. He had fans, everyone loved him and he loved to be there. He was quite a ham. One day a hotwalker was walking around the barn looking for the powdered donuts he'd had in his pocket. On the ground in front of Punk's stall was the wrapper and on his face was incriminating powdered sugar. From that day, he always shared his donuts with the Punk.

I loved to ride Punkie at the track. He wasn't hard to ride, but he carried on constantly and looked tough and menancing. He liked to romp and play, but always stayed under me. He was one of those horses that made you look good because people thought he was tough, but in reality, he was a pussy cat to ride. JK and I were excited. Punkie was ready to run and we needed to find a race. Marlboro Racetrack still had a two day meet at that time. We entered him there. I'd never been there, but I liked the "fair like" atmosphere. JK would be Punkie's jockey. Our strategy was easy to find. We knew that Punkie hated other horses around him, so a clean break was imperative. He was fast out of the gate and we had blinkers on him to help keep is attention on running, not the other horses. The field was full and Punkie had drawn the outside post. This was not good because the tractor was running and it distracted him. My friend Ann Merryman was standing with me when they broke and I said, "Where's Punkie?" A moment later he came out of the gate, far behind everyone else. I knew we didn't have a prayer. There was no way he would catch them and weave within traffic to get a piece of it. Besides it was four furlongs so there would be no time to make it up. Just then, Ann said, "Look at your horse, he's coming." I'm wasn't as good at watching races so it took a moment for me to locate my horse. The race was ending, and there was Punkie between horses, fighting to get a piece of it. I couldn't believe that little horse was so brave. Then I asked Ann, "Where's the wire, where did he end up?" Punk was picking off horses until the very end. He was a racehorse for sure. That Punk ended up 5th that day. He got a check! It was a few hundred dollars, but when you're as poor as I was, that was monumental. JK was beaming. He said "This is a racehorse!!"

Punkie's career was not long. He raced only seven times, but he never missed a check. He supported me through one of the toughest times in my life financially. He set me up in the breaking business by providing me the funds to get established with a clientele. I told him often that I would keep him forever. I adored him and I think, he adored me. He loved his life and and loved to race. By far his favorite day was race day. He knew by the way we were acting that it was race day and he'd start to wind up. He'd couldn't get on the trailer fast enough. Once in the receiving barn he'd prance and rear in the stall, but never touch a wall. On the way to the paddock he'd bow his neck and prance but never pull on the shank. Once he had the saddle and rider, he was ready. I think Punkie thought he was a Stake horse. After all his jockey, was also the person who cleaned his stall and took care of him. JK is the only jockey Punkie ever had.

Except for the first race, Punkie was always the first horse from the gate. All of his races began with "And it's Dancing Spunky" He got a call in every point of the race because he was always in the hunt. He never won a race, but he never missed a check. He made $23K the hard way. I sold half of him to a friend of my dad's, but kept controlling interest.

In his last race, Punk got the first call as usual. He finished third and pulled up on the track. Something was wrong. JK was jumping off of him. I ran out and Punkie had broken down. He got a ride in the horse ambulance back to the receiving barn. I didn't know what to do. I'd never had a horse injured in a race. An old groom came over and assisted me. The vets came and x-rayed Punk. He had a catastrophic fracture of his sesamoid bone. Okay, how much time? You don't understand, that will never heal, even with surgery. He'll founder in the other foot and die a painful death. It's best to put him down now. I looked at Punk, he was fine. He was lame, but he was fine. "I'm not doing that, I'm taking him home. I'll put him down if I have to, but not until then." They said he must have four months stall rest and then if it healed he could be turned out, but they did not expect it to heal. Even if it does heal, he'll never be sound. "I don't care, I'm keeping him forever."

JK was beside himself with guilt. He had felt it snap in the first part of the race, but had been unable to pull Punk up. Punkie wasn't going to let those horses get away from him. That's just who he was. About a month into Punk's recovery, the partner came along and said he wanted Punkie as a riding horse for his girlfriend. I informed him, Punk would likely never be sound, but if he did heal, he could bring his girlfriend over any time to ride him. I knew that he had befriended another trainer who wanted Punkie for racing if he did heal.

Punkie missed the track, but he was a perfect patient and didn't have any problem staying in the stall for the four months. I transitioned him to turn out in a big field with a gorgeous turn out shed. Back then my theory was that if they lived outside, they wouldn't get excited and run when turned out each day. Punkie waited at the gate and waited at the gate and waited at the gate. He wanted in. He didn't care how nice that turn out shed was. He was a racehorse and he deserved a stall. I'm much smarter now, and I did bring Punkie in. He's had his own stall ever since. After a year's time I got on him and he wasn't sound so I abandoned the idea of riding him. In the meantime, we moved our breaking operation to Sagamore Farm and of course, Punkie moved with us.

We had the 90 stall training barn with the indoor gallop. I hated it. It was too big and too much responsibility. I wanted to ride and train not run a barn. The hours were long and the expenses were high. JK and I were going to have to cut down the number of our "personal horses". Now mind you, we only had two. Bo, the pony we used to break the baby horses and Punkie. I had gotten on Punkie a few times recently and he was sound. Of course there was no guarantee he'd stay that way. Besides, he acted just like a racehorse and nothing like a pony. Dancing and prancing, carrying on. JK pointed out that we needed a pony for the breaking business. I told him we'd teach Punk. JK laughed at me and said that horse would never make a pony. I responded that he'd just have to because I was keeping him forever.

Punkie decided I had lost my mind. What sort of race training was this? "I'm not leading that other horse anywhere. Oh and another thing, "I'm not standing here waiting around either." In the beginning JK looked at me everyday and thought I was stupid. One day while schooling him to stand, Punkie got so mad he flipped. It wasn't easy breaking the babies without a pony either. We were spoiled and used to relying on the pony. After a few months Punkie finally became good company for the babies, even if he would not allow them to touch him.

It took about a year, but Punk was becoming a great pony. He was staying sound and we could even take him to the gate at the track with the babies. After all, they would go anywhere with him and relied on him to tell them what to do. We got a really big client from New York and we got this great idea that we would use Punkie to get their gate cards. Punk broke nine times with nine different babies, straight as a string and on the money every time. He was the best horse in the world.

Another year went by and Punk was a good pony, but he did snap at the babies a lot. No matter how much I corrected him, he persisted. He also would bump them with his butt to get them to stop leaning on him. One day I was ponying a colt who started trying to mount us from the side. He pushed us into a corner. (it was my fault, I shouldn't have let him get us in this position). As he started to come down on us, Punkie bowed down and backed out of there, the colt landing beside us and my hand still on the pony strap. I asked JK if he'd seen it. Punkie had saved me. He would save me many times in the years to come. He'd save JK even more.

Not long after that day, we were heading to the training track ponying a baby. Punkie was snapping at the baby and bumping him when he'd lag behind. When you pony a horse, their head should be at the pony's shoulder. If they get ahead, they get loose and if the suck back they get loose. I looked at JK and I said, Punkie is making this baby stay where he's supposed to be. Punkie knows what to do, all I have to do is hold the strap. "Thank you, stupid human. I've been trying to take care of you for months and you keep telling me to cut it out." I never corrected Punk again for snapping a baby. Incidentally, they take correction from another horse much better than they do from us humans.

This entry is long enough and I can't tell you how many times Punkie saved our lives, but he did. He never let us down, not even once. We used to have a third person lead the baby out of the stall and hand them to me for few days and then just ride the baby out once they got the idea. One day the ground person was leading the baby out and they stumbled. The baby spooked and they let her go. I was sitting on Punkie sideways across the shedrow. This baby was coming at us full tilt. She was scared and JK was in big trouble. There was no time to think, let alone come up with a plan. As the baby approached, Punk turned and accelerated, I looked down and the grabbed the rein and Punkie slowed down and pulled us up. JK was thanking me telling me I was the best rider in the world. I didn't do anything. There was no time for me to tell Punk what to do. The only thing I had done was reach down and grab the rein. What a wonderful horse. After that day, we knew there was no better pony than Punk.

No matter how stupid the request, Punkie always came through. He taught people to ride, was the company for weaning babies. He was the companion for bad shippers, rock solid in the race paddock when a horse was nervous and resisting being saddled. Punkie helped JK get quite a few dates who were interested in learning to ride.

Punk never had a lame day since we gave him the two years off. When he was 16, I was breaking a horse off to breeze at Pimlico. When you do this you lead the horse with a pony strap and accelerate to breezing speed. You let the strap slip and pull the pony up. When I told Punk to go, he said, "Now you're talking", and started to pull ahead. I couldn't get him pulled up right away. The clocker called me and wanted to know who the gray horse was. He did the first quarter in .22. That's smoking. That was the last time he breezed. He was 16 years old and if he didn't have the good sense to protect himself, I would do it for him. I don't think Punkie has ever realized he's not a racehorse. He just thinks I'm too dumb to find him a race.

These days, he still breaks a few horses a year. His main job it to keep Graycie company. He's the only horse that can stand her. She's hard to take. I've bred her and she's due in June. JK and I can't wait. Punkie will love the baby. He's weaned four babies and been their company until they are broken. Punkie plays with them and brings them up properly. It's a snap to break them, because they already trust and depend on him. We're so looking forward to it. Then I got to thinking. It seems like just yesterday Punkie was a four year old. I blinked and eye and he's 25. He'll be 27 when it's time to break the new baby. Sure, he's in great shape, we still ride him every day, but I just can't believe it, he's 25.

I've been so lucky to have the best horse in the world. I've learned more from Punk thank I can ever express. He really is the best horse I ever did see.

◊ Graycie - December 31, 2009

So I've been meaning to write for quite some time, but finding homes for horses and riding has become a tremendous task. The good news is we're really doing a great job and the horses are the big winners - well so are the people lucky enough to get them.

We did finally find out why Graycie was becoming unrideable which is a relief in some ways, but scary in others. I decided to give riding her another go in March/April 2009. I had my vet go over her and he found nothing wrong. We were going to hack about the farm for a month or so. It didn't go well. From the beginning she was not having this. It broke my heart that a horse that loved to train, was basically unrideable. I actually could ride her, but who would want to? She was horrible. And horrible Graycie is really a horrible thing. I knew there was something wrong so I called Morgan and he came out and went over her once again. Nothing to speak of. Nothing to explain the behavior. Oh I did point out the toe crack she had had for a long time, but there was no separation and she was completely sound - always. It was actually growing out at the top.

In racing we all develop a protocol to deal with lameness. If I can't define the problem, I start with: Giving them a week off and if they are no better, I give them a month off and if that doesn't work they get four months off (bone heals in four month's time), if that doesn't work they get a year off. All the while we look for the cause of the lameness.

I made the decision to give her a year off. It was kind of a relief, but it made me sad too. I rode her most every day from the time she was a yearling when I broke her until she started having this problem when she was 7. It was sort of like losing part of myself.

The first Saturday in May, my husband and I went to my good friend Lucy's for a Kentucky Derby party. She breeds very nice racehorses. As a side note, this was the year of the Bird and as you know I have a Bird. I hadn't had any time to follow racing so I had no knowledge of the field. Russ and Lucy had computer printouts and much handicapping knowledge to make their selections. I picked both Birds, Mine that Bird and Summer Bird. They were both going off at high odds and Russ looked at me like I was a noodle head. Unless you are a green horn, you don't make your betting selections by name, but that's what I did. It's the only thing I had to go on. When the race concluded, the noodle head was the only one with the winner and I pronounced "It's the year of the Bird!"

Okay, back the Graycie. After the race we were drinking mint juleps and Lucy suggested we go out and look at her babies. The yearlings, it's the best age. They're cute and playful and of course Lucy's babies are super friendly. They ran up to the fence and were vying for our attention. My husband loved it. He even talked about how cute they were on the way home. I started thinking....

Graycie was getting a year off anyway, but I don't breed. I bet you know where this is going. I thought how much my husband would enjoy the experience of a little one. After all he bought Graycie for me and had never had the experience of a baby horse. Of course, I don't breed, it's not my thing. If I did breed a horse it would be from Graycie though. She's an outstanding mover with nearly perfect confirmation. Perfect doesn't exist or I'd say she has perfect confirmation. If I bred her I'd want to produce her - beautiful her. My good friend Kelly Bailey had a gorgeous Unbridled Song stallion that was incredibly similar to Graycie only with a kind temperament. If there was one thing I'd modify on my girl it's her temperament. Unbridled Mate is a refined thoroughbred with a beautiful head. He's a lofty mover with very correct confirmation. Maybe a teeney weeney long in the back, but I'm picking. And he's GRAY!

So I took Graycie to Kelly's farm. You have no idea how significant this is. The only time Graycie and I have been apart is when she did an overnighter at Leesburg so they could tell me she was the soundest racehorse they'd every had there. I did the scintigraphy out of my usual paranoia. It was hard leaving her at Kelly's but I knew she would take care of my girl like it's her own horse. Royal Wux Farm is about four hours from me over the bay bridge and before I got home Kelly was calling me telling me how beautiful Graycie is. Yep, she sucked in another one.

My husband was so excited about this, I knew I had made a good decision. I'm not going to breed every year. Yes I believe there are enough horses in the world and we will keep the baby forever.

By July that toe crack started to look weird. By the end of July the right side of her hoof started to push out. In the beginning of August I called Steve and said I was scared. Graycie was off in the front and getting a bit more sore every day. Steve came right over. It wasn't good news. He looked at me and said "Kim Clark, I think you finally found a horse I can't get a shoe on." She had shoes on, but he was talking about getting them back on. Basically the right side of her hoof had separated from her foot and the pressure from it growing down was perpetuating the problem. They call this white line disease and it is not common in our part of the country. Go to Kentucky, they can tell you all about it. Steve said, I don't know whether to cut all of the separated hoof away or just the bottom part. I told him I wasn't ready to deal with the whole side of her hoof being gone, but I trusted him and thought he should do what he thought best. Steve took the bottom off only to relieve the pressure and then he got this really weird shoe on her. He didn't expect it to last but it did for a month. She wasn't sound, but she wasn't as lame. You have to understand, Graycie has never really been lame in all the time I've had her. For me it's like the biggest tree in the forest is falling.

In the meantime, Morgan came to the farm for vet stuff and I showed Graycie to him and he said I should let Steve take the wall off. Incidentally, Steve had me soaking her foot in an iodine mixture to kill the fungus that had caused the separation. Morgan thought in time she'd be fine. I felt a smidge better. We had her in the weird shoe and a Boa Boot.

Six weeks later Steve came back to do everyone in the barn and he said he'd been thinking about Graycie. He had a plan. I told him what Morgan had said. I was not particularly comfortable with Graycie losing half her hoof, but I trust Steve and Morgan. I clung to that.

I should have video taped Steve that day. It was like watching a surgeon work on a patient. His movements were deliberate and exact. After and hour he was done and he looked up and me and said "I had a plan, but I didn't use any of it." I almost cried as my girl walked away completely sound. We turned her out and she played like she hadn't in months. The biggest tree was saved. I love Steve Guy. He doesn't believe me, but I really love him. I don't know anyone that could cut off half your horse's hoof, get a shoe on them and make them sound. The shoe has stayed on for over two months now and she's remained completely sound.

We believe this is the reason she became unrideable and obviously she needed at least a year off. I have felt guilty for not figuring this out, but I've been told there just wasn't any way to find it, especially since she never took a bad step until the wall separated and then it was obvious.

◊ We Survived - October 19, 2009

I love Fair Hill. I love it so much that I planned to attend as a vendor back in March when I received my non-profit status. It was the first place I scheduled to promote Thoroughbred Placement and Rescue, Inc. I attended my first 3* two years ago at Fair Hill. I had been there before, but to watch steeplechase and for a time I did work across the street at the training center for Gene Weymouth. That's an entire blog in itself that I'll probably never write.

We saved up our best tack for the used tack sale. My husband made a beautiful roll top to raffle and I even made a muck basket of "horse cheer" to raffle off. We had pictures, saddles, a tent - EVERYTHING we needed. To top it off two of my favorite people in the world were competing. Sam Allan in the 2* and Sharon White in the 3*. What could go wrong?

Well, you all probably know, it rained and rained and rained. On Thursday we arrived late to set up. Our instructions were to be set up by noon, but with the usual stuff that pops up we left the farm late and then there the traffic in the rain. Myself, a volunteer and her son who was visiting from Texas drove up in two trucks. Bet he's glad he came. My good friend Kathy came along a bit later in the day.

It was 43 degrees and raining hard and steady as we unloaded and set up the tent. I don't know about this tent. I don't think it was made to take this kind of abuse. I only paid $130 for it. We went out to the hardware store to get a two by four to use as a center support. Kathy headed directly to the liquor store when the wine vendor didn't show up by 2. I was glad. I don't usually drink that early, but this was a very special occasion. We sat there and drank wine and talked about the money this was going to cost us. I think we sold one raffle ticket to the jump and about four to the basket. Someone is going to be lucky, the odds on these two are going to be great.

Friday, it was me, me and only me. I rushed to get there to see Sam and Simmy's dressage test. They were stars. I was so impressed with how they handled the miserable conditions to put in a good performance. I was impressed with all the riders. This was their big day and Mother Nature didn't care one bit.

I held my breath as I walked around the corner to the tent. Would it be standing? It was still there. I made a few adjustments and settled in for a long cold day. I did walk the course with Sam and Jennifer which warmed me up and it was fun, believe it or not. I was cold, wet and thinking about my horses at home. I will admit this was the best day of the four because it wasn't raining hard all day. I left around 3 and had sold about five tickets for the jump and 25 for the basket.

Saturday, more heavy rain. I called Bernadette and told her I would pick her up in my truck at her hotel. She should not attempt to drive her car to Fair Hill. By now it was so muddy you could hardly walk. With each step you took, more mud stuck to your boots. There was Bernadette, full of cheer with her old, cold dog Ben. Oh I forgot, old, cold stinky dog Ben. I am the type of person who, when in a crappy mood - which I was - cheerful people annoy me. I was in day 3 of the Fair Hill survival course, Bernadette was about to embark on a very long day. Me, Miss Sunshine and stinky dog in a 10x10 tent.

As we walked into Fair Hill I told Bernadette that every day I held my breath as I walked around the corner because the tent may not be standing. It was there and we went in. Ben was cold and I was feeling bitc*y. I shamed Bernadette into buying him a coat. We also found a use for some of the wonderful turnout rugs we had brought to sell - Ben now had a great place to sleep. I love that dog, even when he's stinky. As the day progressed, Bernadette proceeded to sell a ton of tickets. Well maybe not a ton, but she did sell more than I thought we would. We met a lot of nice people too. Then I noticed that Eric Bull had his jumps out. My goal is to get a jump from him every year at Fair Hill. I walked over and there were two I really liked and the adorable little squirrel that had been carved.

Sam and Simmy rode brilliantly and Sharon seemed flawless to me. I was really happy to be there to witness that kind of skill and dedication to a sport I have come to love. When Sam came to visit after her ride, I took her over and showed her the jumps I wanted. She agreed they were good choices and she even liked the squirrel. I asked Bernadette to get hold of Eric after the last horse completed the cross country and she said she would. It was a great day, but I will admit that as the day went on, my mood improved and the sunshine Bernadette brought with her dissipated. We were now in the same mood. I left to drive home and saw the Full Moon trailer going down the road. I thought I didn't know they had anything competing here.

Sunday, I left the farm later because Bernadette was there to open the tent. She called me when I was about a half hour into the drive to tell me she had had enough and couldn't take any more. Fair Hill had broken her. The tent had collapsed and everything was wet. I felt bad, but I told her this was no tragedy. The guy next to us had moved out of his tent so move in there. It was a surprise the tent had lasted as long as it did. Besides, maybe people would feel sorry for us and buy more raffle tickets. She is better than I could ever be at fundraising, and this fact lifted her spirits. Bernadette proceeded to sell even more raffle tickets throughout the day. Bernadette told me Eric had sold both of my jumps. I was so bummed, but she said we could get him to make the same ones for us. I was still bummed, but I will have those jumps for Leighton Farm. A bit later I saw my pal Cherie and her mom. She commented the jumps were gone and they took the squirrel. The squirrel, I forgot about him. They took my jumps and the squirrel too. Cherie, said I know who it was. I sounded like we were talking about a thief. It was Full Moon Farm. I had seen them driving the getaway trailer yesterday. Oh well, they have really great taste in jumps.

Bernadette and I witnessed wonderful rides by both Sam and Sharon in the show jumping. I have seen Sharon school with Jimmy on Rafferty quite a bit over the last year and it was a true privilege. As I watched her flawless round I thought this is what all the hard work was about. I was also amazed at how Sharon rode just the same as at home. I mean she's that good. Most people ride different at the show than at home, but somehow she rides the same and all I can say is she is amazing to watch.

Bernadette called me from her car on the ride home to tell me Ben had upchucked all over the back seat of her car. All we could do was laugh, it was a perfect ending to this story.

◊ Willie Wonkie - September 22, 2009

Last February, my friend Anne sent Willie to me. First let me tell you a bit about Anne. She and I were bound to find each other because we share the exact same love of ottb's. She also galloped before returning to the show world. She does hunters, you know the really expensive ones, and then takes all the money she makes and saves the horses that can't be expensive hunters. I've never met her face to face, but believe me when I tell you she is my sister and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. It's always easy to take the big good looking horse, but Anne notices the horse in the back of the field with the caved in face and sees his all of his finer qualities. She takes him and now with my help we get him into the right hands for a great life.

Now let's talk about Willie. When Anne met him he was a 9 year old racehorse who had funneled down the ranks to the bottom at Finger Lakes. I don't have to tell most people that the bottom at Finger Lakes is just before the kill pen. Willie had given up, he wasn't going to try any more. He'd had enough and that was that. Anne saw that great looking guy with the silver tail and tracked down the trainer. It wasn't long before he was bound for her farm in Pennsylvania. He was turned out for some r and r. Anne knew he was not a resale project because of his age. No one wants to give the old class horses a second look.

After a year, she sent him to a good hunter trainer to learn to jump. At some point during this time, Anne and I started working together. She contacted me about horses on my site and got quite a few through Leighton Farm. Over time she realized I could help her move some of the horses she was rescuing or that would not make top level hunters. In February, she sent several horses to be sold or find homes, one of them was Willie.

Willie had lost his pride. I could tell that at one time he was the Big Horse in the barn, but as his performance went down hill, he lost favor and was robbed of all his self respect. He had also lost his confidence in humans. He'd given his all and we had repaid him by betraying him. Anne and I talked about how people don't want to give the old class horses a chance and what a good example Willie could be. Obviously he was sound, you don't race 58 times until you're 9 if you're not a durable type, but more than that, Willie was a consummate athlete fantastic mover and smarter than smart. In addition he changed hands five times during his career and that meant he could deal with pressure. These kinds of horses come along much faster than you can imagine.

So the training began. I took him over to Sam Allan to see what she thought. First she noticed the beautiful silver tail, and then she proceeded to tell me I should keep him. Not because of the tail, because of the potential and talent. I told her I have a rule that I can only keep four horses and to keep him I would have to get rid of one of mine. Graycie? No way. Birdie? Can't even talk about that. Punk? If I could only have one horse, it would be him. Bear? It would break his heart.

So the retraining proceeded and he progressed so quickly I started looking toward competing him. Glennwood seemed like a good goal. It was in June, and I knew he would be able to stick his toe in the proverbial eventing pond by then. Mind you, I was looking at taking a horse who had never shown to a horse trial and I had never ridden in a horse trial either. By May I was telling Elizabeth she really needed to see this horse. He had a real knack for the dressage. Elizabeth only had eyes for the Bird and I just couldn't get time scheduled for Willie. We did do Glennwood and he was as classy as a horse could be. You can go back and read about some of it. I talked about it in this blog, so I won't rehash it here.

My friend Ruth made a visit to Maryland just to see Willie. She was considering him for herself. She wanted a low level horse to have fun with. She'd been a dressage Diva most of her life, but now wanted to event. She loved Willie and his magic tail, but she recognized immediately his upper level potential. She said, this guy is going places. You should keep him. Once again I went through the four horse limit and told myself this was how it had to be.

Sam suggested Fair Hill in July for our next outing. Me, Bird, Willie and friends would do our first overnighter. Willie handled it in stride. Bird handled it in Bird style and I was kept down to a dull roar by Samantha. She's really good at that. She's sort of like having a martini when you can't have one, but really need one. She's got really great coaching skills. I guess I should inject a Bird update here. He was more upset than ever about the dressage and tanked in usual Bird style. I choked in the show jumping, but didn't go off course. As usual, the cross country was a dream. He even attacked the ditch without hesitation. I worried a little about it because there was a jump before it, so you couldn't see the ditch on approach, but Bird didn't care. He just jumped. It was fun, but I decided to give him a break after this and probably not show him again until next year. We needed to work on the dressage. It wasn't fair to keep on this way.

This was the day I found the "key" to Willie. This was the day he got his self respect back. As we warmed up in dressage there are a ton of horses in a very small area. Willie scowled at every one of them that got in what he decided was his space. I know it's wrong, but I laughed. He didn't kick at them or anything, but you knew he was disgusted with all of them. When it was our turn to go, we headed for the dressage arena. You ride up a small hill to the arena at Fair Hill. As we walked into the area, I felt Willie stand tall and proud. He knew he was there to be seen and he had his pride back. He was wonderful, although he did scowl at the horse in the arena beside ours as it passed by during the test. I know I'm not supposed to, but I laughed. He got eliminated at the water on cross country, but I'd only schooled him to water once, so I don't blame him. He did go through it and I have to say, he was a perfect gentleman about it.

We raised Willie's price, because we weren't ready to let him go. He had taken a real liking to me and when people came out to try him, he wasn't bad, but I could tell he didn't like it. He remained a consummate gentleman about it though. After Fair Hill, I really started to nag Elizabeth. I decided to give Bird a month off so I showed up with Willie at a lesson in July. I guess you could say it was love at first sight. Elizabeth loved him. It wasn't long before she told me I should keep him, he was my third level horse. I told her I have a four horse limit - da, da, da.

Jimmy showed up back in town and I took Willie to a couple lessons with him. This was the first time I rode a different horse other than Birdie for Jimmy. I laid in bed that night thinking why did I do this. Jimmy is going to yell at me when he stops or does something green. The day was great, when Willie was green, Jimmy said, he's green we expect this. Jimmy liked him and that was no surprise.

I started to notice that Willie knew he was for sale and he didn't want to be sold. Every time we went somewhere, he got nervous. Not ratty nervous, just concerned. You could tell. I knew in my heart he didn't want to be sold and I felt bad about it. He wanted to stay here at Leighton Farm and be one of my dysfunctional kids, although Willie really isn't dysfunctional at all. He was nice and easy to ride and I have to admit, I did enjoy having a horse that wasn't so hard. I just knew I couldn't keep five, but I did feel bad about it. Willie had always been a good horse and despite this he had been passed around like an object. So much so, that he expected and accepted it. I think it had been a long time since he had let himself want anything. He wanted to stay, and I couldn't find a way to make it happen.

I needed to find a place to compete Willie, but scheduling conflicts kept happening. Sam said another Fair Hill was coming up and I should enter that. I did, but I knew I better get out there and school him over some water. We went to Win Green and then just before, Frying Pan Park. During this time, his dressage was coming along at an incredible rate. Willie loved dressage and he was better than good at it. He was a star again, he had his pride back. Willie is a very proud horse and it comes through in his performance. Still there were moments when he had that look in his eye where he kept a void between himself and me because he knew I would someday sell him. I know I sound like a nut, but they know, they really know. Most of the horses that come here know they will be sold and are fine with it. Willie wanted to stay.

I talked to Elizabeth about how bad I felt about selling Willie and she reiterated that I should keep him. I next did a gymnastics clinic with Jimmy at AOPF and Willie was a star. Jimmy commented that Bird better watch out. He thought Willie was "quite nice". I'd never get rid of Bird, but it was true, Willie is quite nice. After the clinic I went down to their water jump and schooled Willie to it. He didn't go right in and I worried he would be eliminated at Fair Hill again.

By now I was calling him Wonky. All of my horses have stupid names that just come out of me one day. Punky is Punkasaurus. Graycie is Beautiful Girl or Pearl Girl. Grandy is Bear, well you know him as Bear. Bird, well he is a Bird, so that hasn't changed much except I do call him that Crazy Bird. One day Willie was Willie Wonky and then he was Wonky. Anne and I talked about the upcoming competition and I told her how Willie knew he was for sale and how sad it made him. Anne had told me again I could keep Willie. The only thing Anne wants for these horses is a good life. I get attached to every horse that comes through Leighton Farm and even a lot of them that just end up on my site, but Willie and I have more than that. We have a connection. I couldn't stand it any longer and I told Anne I would keep Willie. I know I sound like kook and in many ways I am one, but Willie figured out rather quickly that he was going to be staying at Leighton Farm. I called Sam and Elizabeth and told them I was keeping him. They were happy about this decision. Sam had been telling me for over six months to keep that horse.

I've been schooling with Elizabeth for two years and I've never ridden through a test with her. I love the Bird, but it's just never been useful since he wasn't ready to compete dressage yet, (we've competed anyway), so I guess Elizabeth elected to work on the Bird "problem of the week" instead of riding a test. I've seen her go through tests with people and it reminds me of being before a firing squad. Elizabeth is "in it to win it" and she's going to get you as close to perfect as possible, even if it kills you. If you don't want perfect, you don't want Elizabeth. I was told to bring my Fair Hill test to the next lesson. This was the day before the competition. I was ready to be BBQed. Instead, Willie and I pretty much earned an A+. No pressure. Elizabeth remarked about the difference in Willie's eye. He was secure, he wasn't worried any longer about traveling. He knew he'd be going home after the lesson to Leighton Farm. Willie had a home, for the first time in many years.

Bernadette, volunteer extraordinaire, came with me to Fair Hill. It's the best feeling in the world to have someone help you that knows what you're capable of. It's amazing that one person can be an army of support, but that's what Bernadette is. She's a natural with horses and loves them as much as I do. The weather was lousy this day. It basically rained all day and I worried about how Willie would handle yucky, greasy, muddy, cross country. He got studs to help with the traction issues he was sure to have.

When we went to warm up for dressage, I felt that incredible pride come over Willie. To tell you the truth, I choked up. I fought off the urge to cry. Not tears of sadness, but those of a proud mom. He was right where he belonged at that moment. When we went up the hill to do our test, I felt his stature change as he strutted his stuff. Every mistake that was made in that test was mine. Willie was perfect. After the salute, the judge smiled and asked if he had a grey tail. I smiled back and said it's silver. She said how pretty, what breed is he? I beamed as I told her he was an 11 year old thoroughbred off the track. "He raced until he was 9." She said he's got an amazing temperament. I smiled even bigger and I knew we'd aced it. Willie you are a star. Willie, said "of course I am."

They were requiring us to take a trail through the woods to get to the stadium and cross country. Guess what you have to cross to get there? Water - a stream. I left early, just in case. Bernadette offered to walk with me, but I looked at this as the last schooling of water before cross country. As we approached Willie saw the water and hit reverse into the trees. This was humiliating because someone was approaching from the other direction and saw us. They asked "do you want a lead?" I thought, this is my opportunity to look like an idiot if I want. All I have to do is say no. I accepted the lead and Willie went right through. I thanked the girl who said, "Good Luck" as she rode away. I wouldn't blame her if she thought to herself "You're going to need it". I thought it as I thanked her. I decided to table the water issue, because I've already made the mistake of riding the cross country course during show jumping and it's a great way to go off course. Show jumping first then cross country. One problem at a time.

Stadium jumping was clean. I have to admit, Willie started out fairly sticky and I had to ride him. I do get credit for doing a good job there. I think he was concerned about the footing and needed proof it would be okay. With the studs he didn't slip and by the end of the course he was freely jumping. If I haven't mentioned it, Willie can really jump.

Cross country started out great. He was eager and willing. It was fun and then we turned the corner and they had dumped a ton of stone dust in front of a fence to help with the footing. Willie had never seen the likes of this and stopped, but circled around and jumped easily after inspection. I don't blame him, he's still learning. Fair enough. We had great jumps from there and now the water was coming up. Would he go? I had a plan that I would approach it and not kick or make a big deal, that just makes him stop for sure. Willie hates to be kicked. I would sit there and let him sort it out. By the half way point in the water I had to be jogging to make the jump just out of the water. I knew if he went into the water, I'd be excited and lose site of the jump out, if I wasn't careful. He went right in, but as we started jogging he reacted to the water hitting him in the tummy and refused the jump after the water because he wasn't ready. I circled round and he went. His excuse was greenness and I understood. He only stopped at one other fence and we were sliding down the hill to it so I didn't make a fuss. Jimmy once told me that when Jack LeGoff was his coach, they had a horse that would "jump anything". They made him a dressage horse because he was dangerous. Inotherwords, you want a brave horse, but not a reckless horse. Willie and I had never dealt with bad footing before and this was an education in itself.

Willie walked into the barn at home and told Birdie "I won the dressage". Birdie said "Yeah, but you stopped on the cross country course." My boys are competing with each other, but I love them both. (Okay, crazy lady)

Willie won the dressage, jumped clean in show jumping and made a few mistakes in cross country. He finished 6th overall. I am excited to go to the next competition because he's gaining confidence and learning how to deal with the factors presented in eventing. Willie has a home and doesn't have to worry when he leaves Leighton Farm. He's coming back to stall 7, where he gets to stick his head out.

◊ My body hates me - July 26, 2009

As we age, our body changes in ways we don't enjoy. I never saw this coming. As a professional exercise rider, I took for granted that I would always be fit and never have to watch my weight. When I was in my twenties, I could have eaten a cake and still lost weight. Nowadays, if I walk too close to one I gain a pound. This didn't creep up on me, it changed in a flash when I was 39. I was trim and had no fat on my body when I was 38, but sometime in my 39th year, I started to maintain some body fat. Not a lot at first, but it was there. I just attributed it to the fact that I wasn't galloping the large number of horses I had when I was younger. No problem though, I eat a very healthy diet consisting mostly of fruits and vegetables. It is an amazing thing that your body can create fat from fruits and veggies. My mother has always had a weight problem and I always thought it was because she lacked the self control and good eating habits it takes to be trim. Boy, was I wrong. If I wasn't as active as I am, I'd be fat. It's that simple. I am not the weight I want to be, but I'm not fat - yet.

I ride an average of six hours per day. Sometimes a bit more or less. When I ride, I work out. I start a lot of young horses and they make you work. They don't know anything about carrying the rider yet. I've gotten a lot of flack from Elizabeth about opening my hip angle. I tend to be a stiff person so I started to seek exercises that might help me limber up. As an aside, not only does your metabolism change when you get older - you get STIFF! I was zapping around on the tv one morning and landed on a show where a guy was sitting on the floor in a really bad looking position. He was talking about how much it hurt, but saying it worked on stretching the hips. I thought I'm in. It was Yoga and he was doing the Happy Cow. That cow can't be happy, but I was pleased to find a way to limber up. I Tivoed the show and have been doing Yoga at least 6 days a week. It really works and I have to say I feel better.

I decided around this time that I should start running too. I am no runner, in fact I hate running. My thought was I could run around my farm and take Star my wayward German Shepherd with me. I began by walking and running when I came to an uphill grade. Within three weeks I could run one lap around the farm. I was so proud of myself. It must be at least a mile, right? My husband is an engineer so I took my wheel around the farm once and asked him to convert the distance to miles. He said, "I already did that, it's .6 of a mile. I thought, no way, it's got to be further than that, so I went on the internet to check for myself. Well, you know how that turned out, my husband has been and engineer for over thirty years. Six tenths of a mile. What a let down. So that was eating at me which is probably good and I'm now up to 1.8 miles, which is three times around the farm. I'll be happy with two and a half miles. Well happy might not be the right word. That's my goal. Run four times a week and yoga six times a week.

You'd think with all this activity and the fact that I'm a veggie, I'd lose weight. Think again. I am the same weight I was before I started all this. I know what you're thinking. She probably eats pasta and tons of sweets, but you'd be wrong. I love pasta, but I have it only once per month. The truth is, this is the way it is when you age. I hope I don't have an injury and have to stop all my physical activity. I'll weigh 300 pounds in no time flat. At least I haven't gained weight.

◊ Fair Hill - July 7, 2009

Since Birdie's big advance in dressage, everything has gone downhill. He has had horrible tantrums and at times has been unrideable. I had entered both him and Willie in the unrecognized starter horse trial at Fair Hill. I really wanted to ride there. I worked at Fair Hill for Gene Weymouth as an assistant and exercise rider and loved the place. I was considering scratching Birdie just the same. I couldn't find a reason for his sudden and sharp decline in performance. He wasn't lame and I could find nothing wrong with him, but I suspected he needed a break. Elizabeth had said he'd progressed at such an incredible rate, it was likely he needed one. I talked to Sam Allan about it and she encouraged me to take him. One thing that ran through my mind was that Sam would be there and she would see how he behaves at the show. He's always ten times worse there and perhaps she could help me find the answers, so I decided to take him.

When I was an exercise rider, I was one of the best. I was proud of my work and really made a difference to the horses I rode. I was good. It's been hard to go back to being inexperienced and green at riding. Lately, I've been really tired of feeling like a bozo on a horse. I longed to go back to the track and do what I am good at. I understand that I am starting over, but it's been a long time since I felt good about my riding. This feeling is not helping the situation at all. Add to that the fact that I stepped Willie up to Intro and the mountain seemed almost impossible to climb.

Sam suggested I take them the day before and she would give me a lesson on Birdie. It was frustrating and we didn't get anywhere with him, but at least someone I work with saw us in action. She walked Bird's course with me and I then walked it once more. Then I walked Willies. Bird's course seemed challenging. Willie's presented a glaring problem - water. I had only schooled him once in water and I was fairly certain he would not go right in. I also knew I was going to have to ride him every step of the way. Willie hasn't figured out cross country yet and he's a conservative horse. If he's not sure, he wants to think about it. He wants to stop - then think. Not good for cross country. We also recently figured out he likes to stop at the first fence, even in practice. I needed to be sure that didn't happen.

I got up at 3:30 am on Sunday and headed to the barn to feed my boys. I then went out and walked the show jumping course. I didn't want to go off course again. I then walked both Birdies and Willie's cross country courses. This was going to be a long day. First ride at 9:26 am and last ride at 3:26 pm.

Birdie tanked in the dressage - again. I can't convey how upset he was. It was sad and I am so touched by how hard he tries for me when he is obviously so frightened. He is so generous and I respect him immensely. He simply can't bring himself to relax, but he tries despite this fact. This is the first time I can say that the judge hated me. I am sure she thinks I did this to him. She was very unhappy with me and told me I should not take him to shows. I should take him to perhaps a friend's place and not put so much pressure on him. There was no time to tell her I school with Elizabeth Madlener every week at another farm and Jimmy Wofford every other week, (except for lately) at Sharon White's. He travels more than any horse I know, but he's smart enough to know when he's at a show and when he's not. I will say I was grateful because she tried to work with me in getting Birdie to walk after my test was over. Apparently there was a break and she spent her time helping me get him to walk. I really appreciate that even though she talked to me like I was a horse abuser and the crappiest rider in the world.

Show jumping with Birdie was humiliating and all my fault. I was coming unraveled and I was telling myself I better get it together when he stopped at the roll top. Let me just mention, I'm the one with the roll top evasion - not him. Sam said he was being dirty, but I know it was my fault. After the ugly stop, I got myself together and even though it was ugly, I did a better job.

Cross country was unbelievable. He was even stronger here than he was in show jumping, but I have so much more time to get him back. We completed the course on time and without a mistake. I love my beautiful Bird.

Willie put in nice dressage test for Intro, but I had the same judge and I think she hates me, so we did not get a glowing score. It was only his second show and I was happy with him, so what the heck. His show jumping was flawless. As we walked over to cross country, I told myself you have to get him over the first fence. As we left the start box I started screaming at him. He ran from Satan himself and soared over the first fence. My adrenaline was at an all time high and that was a good thing because I was tired. We approached the second fence and I was even louder, he started to hesitate and I let out an inhuman sound. He went. The third fence should have been easy. Sam Allan has the same one only bigger at her place. He's jumped it a ton, but elected to stop at this one. I was disappointed, but he had been trying to stop at the first two, so we just jumped it and went on. For the first six fences I practically carried him over them. I was getting tired and my voice was straining. At fence seven, he stopped again. Sam had warned me about this one. The course loops in a circle and he likely decided we were done since we were headed back to where we started. I really screamed at him and he went. I rode his hair off the next two and now we were at the water. I decided to trot around it and then try to go in. Maybe if he had a good look, he'd go. He was a complete gentleman when he told me it was a bad idea and he didn't think we should do it. The jump judge was supportive and even tried to lead him in. After three horses went by he finally went across. The jump judge and camera man where cheering as we galloped away. Oh, he did stop at the one coming out of the water, but fair enough. He's never seen a question like that before. After all he's only schooled cross country once and completed one horse trial at elementary. We galloped down a hill and he jumped this next jump quite easily. In fact I didn't have to ride him to it. The next jump was a "wagon" I was expecting him to balk, but instead he took me to the fence. He was taking me to the fences and he jumped the last fence perfectly. Suddenly he was having a good time and eager to find the next fence. Unfortunately I had to tell him it was over.

I am really proud of Willie. The light bulb went off. He gets it now. I told JK it was similar to breezing baby racehorses. In the beginning you have to pick them up and carry them. Then one day they say "Oh, I understand - GO! I like this." After that you just sit there and point at the pole, then they carry you. Willie gets it now and I'm really looking forward to his next outing.

Birdie is getting a rest period. He hasn't had one in over a year. We also have a couple things we're going to work on during that time. I am embarrassed to admit that I was really sore yesterday. That hasn't happened in a very long time. Jimmy has been on me to start riding them instead of being a passenger. I think I started doing that at some point on Sunday at Fair Hill.

◊ More Dressage - June 16, 2009

On Sunday Birdie and I were entered in a dressage schooling show at Exalt Farm in Harwood, Maryland. Our ride times were early, so I had to get up at 3 am again to feed and make sure he had time to eat. I wanted to leave by 6:15, so we'd have plenty of time to warm up. Krysta, a wonderful volunteer who aspires to event one day, showed up to help me and read my tests for me. I can't tell you what a help she is. I did have a chance to practice braiding the Bird and they turned out really nice. When we got there he was unusually relaxed. This seems to be a new trend, which I think is the beginning of his dressage metamorphosis. I was able to longe him before getting on him and things were going rather smoothly. Some other horses showed up to warm up and he did become a bit more tense. As we headed down to the arena for our first test, he became the very uptight, which came as no surprise. I stayed as relaxed as possible. This test was only a walk/trot and I was grateful. It wasn't that bad though. The judge was positive and gave me a lot of "tactfully ridden" marks. She seemed to understand what I was riding. We had a half hour until the next test, which was Training Level 1. I opted to work on long, low walking for relaxation. This must have been the right thing to do because he did the best test of his life. His canter was extroardinary and the transitions were wonderful. He even walked across the diagonal - not free walk, but at least it wasn't a jig. There were some uptight moments, but overall it was great. Birdie won his first dressage class. I can't express what this means to me. I know we still have a long way to go, but we're going!

◊ My first horse trial, ever - June 7, 2009

I'm not sure exactly when the gerbils entered my brain, but this was my first eventing competition and somewhere along the line they got into my head. Glennwood Farm in Brandywine, Maryland has a very nice starter event in June of each year. Last year I helped my good friend Cherie Chauvin with her horse Katchi at Glennwood. It was also one of the first places I schooled cross country with the Bird. I liked the place, so I had this great idea that I would enter Birdie in it this year. While I was at it, why not enter Willie so he would get some exposure before I put him on the market.

Maybe that's when the gerbils got into my brain. Who enters two horses in a horse trial when they've never ridden in one? For that matter, Willie had never been to any show. Still at the time it seemed like such a good idea. Glennwood lets you school the day before and I thought it would be so easy to introduce Willie to eventing there. Oh and I might as well enter Birdie in Novice, since I can ride him over the course the day before.

The week before the event it rained and rained and rained. So the decision was made to cancel the cross country schooling. In all this time, I was not nervous or concerned. I did learn you can't have a reader in eventing, like you can in dressage, but I thought no sweat - I can learn two different tests. I called Sam Allan and asked her if should walk the course on Saturday and she told me yes. I wanted to do it in the morning so I could ride everyone on the farm in the afternoon when the ground had time to dry. Sam organized this event and what a huge job that was.

I drove over Saturday morning and found Sam. She gave me the course maps and told me to walk each course twice. That's a lot of walking, but I did it. As I walked the Novice course, I started to think, "Why did I enter Birdie in Novice? What the hell was I thinking?" I just knew he was going to be excited and strong. In the first part of the course there was a coop, hard right, straw bale two stride, hard left down a hill to a brush, hard right and dog leg to a downhill brush. It was in the first part of the course, he would be too strong for me to navigate that. If I trot it, he'll quit. Wait a minute, stop doubting, you can do it, remember what Lucinda said, "they can walk those fences." I keep walking the course, uh oh, the dreaded ditch. Now it is true, it seems that we've gotten him over the ditch problem, but this will be a show and he'll likely revert. There is an alternative, but I should jump the ditch, shouldn't I? What if he refuses three times and gets eliminated? He'll learn he doesn't have to go. Where's Jimmy? What do I do?

I wasn't particularly worried about Willie, I entered him in elementary and he easily jumps 3'6". Still, I had visions of him stopping and me falling off for the whole world to see. When the ride times came out, it had to be Birdie first. I really would rather have started out on Willie, but I could live with that, I still was surprisingly calm. I decided I needed a lot of help so I asked everyone I knew if they would come. I ended up with six helpers and they were the absolute best all day long. At least I didn't have to worry about that.

All night long I laid in bed thinking why did I enter Birdie in Novice? Why? Why? Why? When morning finally came I was nervous, but happy, because I was tired of laying there trying to rest. I didn't sleep at all. Why did I enter him in Novice? Then there was the dressage. We are still battling our dressage demons. I fed them at 4 am and wanted to leave by 6:30. I needed plenty of time to unload the truck and hack Birdie around. Lots of time to warm up.

Everyone showed up and we were on time. We were the first ones there. My dressage was at 9:08. I was on the Bird by 8 am. To my astonishment he was very relaxed, reaching and stretching his back. When we trotted, he was supple and on the bit. This is the day!! This is going to be the day he finally does dressage in a show instead of tanking because he is so upset.

Twenty minutes before our ride time, he switched gears to Bird mode. He was uptight and getting in the way of other horses. I decided to get out of the warm up arena and try standing. We waited and our test was the usual uptight, no dressage test. We finished last. I'm going to try a new strategy the next time. The good news is, he's never been that relaxed before in the warm up, so I think we are making progress. I was so disappointed because I thought it was going to be our day. I still love him though.

Next it was time to warm up for show jumping. Jimmy was in my head. It was crowded in there with Jimmy and all the gerbils. Jimmy hates the gerbils. I had walked my course and was ready. In the warm up it was like being on a guided missile. He was launching off the ground and very forward. Not running at the fences, but over jumping and not really wanting to pull up after. Oh boy, am I in for it.

As we began the course, he was even stronger. "Why didn't I use more bit?" Happy Mouth isn't so happy when your horse is ripping your arms off and beating you with them. If he's like this on the cross country course, I'll never be able to ride him. Why did I enter him in Novice?" SNAP out of it, the judge is blowing her whistle. You've gone off course. The gerbils stopped gnawing on my brain long enough for me to ask the judge if I could finish the course anyway and she was kind enough to let me. I still didn't get it right, but I was dead anyway. The judge said to me, "I'm going to let you do cross country, you're not dangerous, your brain just isn't working that good." Gerbils. I could hear Jimmy telling me, you have to ride. You can't be gerbil brained.

We went directly from show jumping to cross country. I was asked if I wanted someone to hold his head until it was time to go and I declined the offer. Riding racehorses for so many years taught me the only person you want on an upset horse's head is someone with much experience. Otherwise it's scary and bad things can happen. Why did I enter him in Novice?? Thirty seconds - Why? - fifteen seconds Why? - GO - Why? This is it. The moment of truth when I find out if I can do this. Was all my hard work just a shameful waste?

The moment my Bird set foot on that cross country course, he was home. "Don't worry human, I'll take care of you. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." I couldn't believe it. He was totally relaxed, so I relaxed and the gerbils stopped eating my brain. I could hear Jimmy yelling at me, "You can't sit there and expect him to tow you over the fences." I know my Bird thanks him for that. The first couple fences were easy. We sailed over the coop and went to the straw bales. Sam had said make sure you approach so he can see there are two jumps. He did the two strides with precision. Left and down the hill, boing, hard right, hard left and we did pull up to a trot, over the brush he sailed. Now, I've got rhythm with my Bird. Sam had cautioned me to focus on keeping Bird balanced. This was very easy because he just was balanced.

Now for our "other" moment of truth. I decided to swing really wide so Bird could have a long time to realize we were heading for a ditch. I pulled up to a trot. He went right up to the edge and stopped. He didn't take any steps backward. I sat there and remembered what Elizabeth had told me. She said, "When you talk to them, they do understand." I heard myself saying "Come on Bird, please don't do this to me." With that he bounded over the ditch. Hot tears were rolling down my cheeks as I patted him on his neck. "You are the best horse, I love you. Thank you for being my horse and teaching me everything." We trotted through the woods because it was very greasy and I didn't want to risk hurting him. Out we came and through the water. He never missed a beat. Several more jumps and I had completed my first cross country course of 17 fences. He never ran at any jump, never left long and never chipped in. He loved it and I loved it too. I finally understood why I entered him in Novice.

Willie was cheated because he got a tired rider, but he was fabulous. He questioned a lot of things and wondered what was going on, but finished fourth in his division and has a tremendous future ahead of him. He really likes this.

So what did I learn? Really too much to express. First off, Birdie does belong in at least Novice. Second, I can do this. The next time I'll leave the gerbils at home, then the show jumping will be successful. I won't ever worry about the cross country again because I have the Bird. Of course the dressage is our cross to bear, but Elizabeth pointed out that I can't expect that to improve overnight. After all a top rider couldn't get him to do dressage. This will take time and time is something we have. After all he is improving. I don't recommend riding two in your first event, but I'm glad I did it. Think how easy the next one will seem.

◊ The Dressage Show - May 25, 2009

So the day finally came when I was able to take the Bird to a dressage show. I've entered him three times only to have three rain outs. I know when Birdie is keyed up he needs an hour to warm up so I made a plan. I got up at 3 am and went down to feed. He takes his time eating and I wanted him to have a good day. I went down at 5 to give him a bath and braid him. I know it's not necessary to braid for a schooling show, but I figured I should practice braiding. After all, in racing if you spend all the time to braid as soon as you throw the jock up he starts ripping them out. By the post parade half the braids are gone. Incidentally they do this because they want to be able to grab mane if they need to. As a result, I gave up braiding my runners long ago. Add to that my loss of dexterity in my left hand and you've got crappy braids, but at least I had them.

So I leave the farm at 6 am and the drive is uneventful. I'm so glad I have GPS. It cuts out the worry and uncertainty of "What if I get lost?" My first ride time is 9:08 am and I want at least a half hour before my hour warm up. I arrive in time, but I hit the first snag in my day. The park where the show is being held is closed. It doesn't open until 8:30. Great, this is starting out to be a fantastic day. I think to myself, don't let this derail you. You've got to be ready to change your plan. Still I know with no time to warm up, Birdie will be a road runner, not a swan. I tell myself the more he tenses, the more you must relax. I wait, I'm the first one at the gate and people start piling up behind me. Finally at 8:25 someone drives up and unlocks the gate. We head in and I tell myself there is no sense in rushing, it will only upset the Bird more. I offer him water and begin to tack up. Then we walk over to get my number. He is surprisingly calm, well calm isn't the right word, but he is surprisingly not as wound up as I expected.

Samantha Allan and some students are there and she asks me if I'm nervous. I tell her no, but now that I'm thinking about it..... She asks me if I need a reader and I tell her I've got my tests memorized. She asks me if I want a reader and I decide to be smart and say Yes. We ride our first test with about five minutes warm up. Birdie is tense and well - Bird Like, but he's better than he's ever been. I think he might even like this. The judge tells me I need to get him to relax and lower his head so he'll be more active behind. I know this and expect it to improve now that I have time to warm him up.

My expectation for improvement falls short, but on the other hand, Birdie is not getting worse. He also seems to be enjoying himself, which is something he has never ever done at a dressage show. Last year I took him to two dressage shows and he acted as if I was abusing him. He was so upset that I felt like a heel for making him go.

We rode the second test and it was much harder this time to do the dreaded walk across the diagonal. This is the bane of my existence with the Bird. He does the jig across the diagonal. I think this will be the last thing to improve in his performance. It's harder than anything else, but I know one day he will and I will be the happiest rider you ever see walk a horse on a long rein across the diagonal. After the second test the judge tells me basically the same thing. She was a very positive judge and I appreciate that. She suggested I try to get him bending more. I took the suggestion and went out of the ring with a plan to get that Bird to be supple before the next test. It has canter and Bird ramps up with canter work. I worry about his leads. He's picking them up from the walk now during jumping but when he's tense, he picks up the wrong lead occasionally and this is such an occasion. Do you ever think you make your own fate? I go back to the warm up arena and I ride and ride and ride. I want his back to come up, I want his neck to be supple. I want him to relax. He never really does any of it and now it's time for the last test.

I go in and he's up tight. He's like riding a board. I try to soften every chance I get, but I know this isn't pretty. First canter, a charm, walk across the diagonal after the canter, not so much a charm. Second canter, wrong lead, oops, fix, correct lead. Downward transition, OMG, beautiful, smooth, supple - WOW! Five more beautiful, smooth, supple trot strides! Okay get off the cloud, Birdie is going right back to uptight mode - that's all you get today human, I hope you enjoyed it. I come down the center line with a smile. I am so happy. Bird has done something he has never done before with me. He's relaxed for a transition and five whole strides at a dressage show. He's done a very tiny amount of dressage at a dressage show. Birdie you are a star. The judge mentions that he did a beautiful transition and some nice steps. This whole day has been worth it. We leave with a second place and a fourth place. I haven't gotten the ribbon or result from the last class yet. I love my Bird.

So today I was thinking and I realized what Elizabeth is constantly telling me is true. Imagine that. When things don't go right with the horse, it's something you are doing to block the horse. I thought about the ride yesterday. Yes, Birdie was uptight and failed to use his back, but I over rode him. I tried too hard. The next show I ride him in, I'm going to be patient and everso soft. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and we're getting closer to it all the time.

◊ Two days with Lucinda Green - April 23, 2009

Lately both Jimmy and Elizabeth have been focusing on developing my leadership skills when it comes to riding Birdie. I am not to bully him, but I am to ride him. This means I am not allowed to settle for less than what is asked. Incidentally, this starts with asking in the first place, which I still regularly fail to do.

What a surprise to find that the theme of Lucinda's clinic was take control. The first day was excellent and Birdie and I got so much out of it. If you ride with Lucinda be prepared to get yelled at and when she tells you to do something, she means it. She's not going to settle for anything less. This was good for me and the Bird.

Elizabeth is right, he is happier when he knows I am in control. It's too much pressure for him to have to be the decision maker. Now let me make clear this is not encouragement to over ride my horse. To the contrary, one of the things that makes it so difficult is that it's the correct amount of aids to get the job done. No more and no less. Jimmy has been on me about this for the past 60 days.

Isn't it amazing that these three great instructors see the same hole in me and my Bird? It's the greatest thing in the world for us. Three experts working on the same problems from different vantage points.

Now for the best part. Yesterday was Christmas in April and I haven't even gotten to Rolex yet. I leave tonight. Ditches, our burden to bear until yesterday. I am proud to say that my Bird no longer has a problem with ditches. I realize, he's going to have some apprehension, but still. We jumped nearly every ditch in the place. We did a trakhener. At the end Lucinda had us all make courses and when she got to me and asked, I said I think I should do the two that concern me. That's code for scare me a bit. The Wheldon's Wall and the ditch she said was so big everyone would be afraid to try it. Lucinda made a course for me and WE JUMPED THE WHELDON'S WALL AND THE BIG DITCH WITHOUT A MOMENT'S TROUBLE, in addition to some banks, other ditches and jumps. Now that IS Christmas in April. Me and my Bird sailing over ditches without a care in the world - well almost without a care anyway.

◊ Rating - April 9, 2009

I remember very clearly the first time I heard this term. It was the third day I was on the farm learning to gallop when we came to the 1 1/2 mile gallop at the Merryman Farm. I was with Johnny Bosley and Ann Merryman. At the bottom of the hill, which was the beginning of the gallop, Johnny turned to me and said "Rate her." I said, "What is rate?" He said, "Stay behind us." Two strides into the gallop I was in front of both of them and opening up. I could hear Johnny yelling at me as we pulled away. I thought, so this is what running off is. I was lucky because I didn't feel any panic. I knew the horse would tire and pull up, so I periodically tried to get her to slow and eventually she did and she stopped. I was much more concerned with what Johnny was going to say. I really wanted to learn to gallop racehorses. He was mad, really kind of mean about it. He told me she was an easy horse to gallop with a good mouth and I was messing her up. I left the farm that day thinking "If she's an easy one, there is no way I can do this." I had ridden five years with a very good dressage trainer and I was thought to be a good rider. I now found myself leaving the farm that day considering giving up on the notion of learning to gallop racehorses.

I was used to being taught by someone who knew what I was capable of. Consequently, if Greta told me to do something I knew I could do it. I didn't question it. Johnny on the other hand - he was a different breed and I didn't know it yet. I've said it before that I am no quitter, so I showed up at the farm the next day on time and ready to suffer some more. Several days went by and I had no incidents, but I was quiet and uncomfortable as I waited for the other shoe to drop.

About four days later I arrived at the farm and only Ann was there. It was steeplechase season and Johnny had somewhere else to be, so it would just be us. During our ride Ann looked at me and said, "I just have to tell you something. The horse that ran off with you has a horrible mouth and she runs off with Johnny all the time." There must be something wrong with me because instead of feeling irritated, I was joyous. I realized I just might be able to exercise racehorses.

Over the next six months I kept coming back for more and Johnny did some really nasty things to me, but he made me ready for the track. The racetrack is a tough place for riders. I see riders come in all the time who are not prepared and they have a very rough time. Some don't make it. They have the ability, but are not ready. I use what I learned from Johnny every day that I ride. He is a truly great horsemen. Now I'm really off topic of what I wanted to talk about.

I've talked in the past about how strong Bird is after fences. I've been working on it and it's gotten much better in the ring. I thought I had that problem licked, until yesterday. On a hill, in the wind, schooling cross country fences presents a horse that is sharp and strong. As usual, Birdie winds up as we jump, not down. He was getting away from me after some of these fences. He wasn't dangerous. His approach to the fences was nice. I was doing my best to pull him up, but it was hard. The tougher he got the harder I fought him. What a dummy. I know better than anyone that doesn't work.

About halfway through the two hours it occurred to me that I need to let him depart the fence, relax him and then pull him up. It will probably take longer than I would like, but his response will improve as time goes on. In the ring this winter, Jimmy stressed how important it is to get the good canter back after a fence before you stop. It has made all the difference. Cross country, I need to do the same. Birdie is strong after fences because he loves to jump. The better I ride him, the happier/stronger he gets after the fence. At this point he's expecting a fight after the jump before he pulls up. What I need to teach him is to expect to get back the relaxed gallop and then pull up.

Johnny made me learn that years ago by putting me on strong horses before I had any ability to fight them. I wasn't a strong rider yet, so my first instinct was to find other options. He told me once that 99% of galloping racehorses is bullsh**ting them into doing what you want. Think about it, how are you going to force them to do anything.

◊ Brilliance - April 2, 2009

I had a dressage lesson yesterday with my dressage instructor, Elizabeth Madlener. This was the day after cross country schooling at Morven Park over the Training Level course. I know what you're thinking. What did you do that for? Well they say, good event horses have a tough time with the dressage partly because they want to focus on jumping and I think a dressage day after is like a return to planet earth.

Birdie may have been a little tired, but a nice relaxing dressage lesson should help work out the kinks. My last lesson was the best I've ever had. I rode well and he was a star.

We always start by longeing him and on this day he was rhythmic, balanced and relaxed. I got on him and he came on the bit, then came off, several times. It's not going well. Maybe he's tired, maybe I'm tired.

Since I got Birdie he's had a very inverted frame. I've worked hard to get him to a point where he doesn't carry his head up in my face. I'm proud of the fact that his head has come down so much, but I've never been able to do a free walk with him. He gets tense and scurries off. I just thought I would never be able to do this with him, or at least it would be a very long time.

So Elizabeth sees that our lesson plan isn't going to happen. She also sees what he really needs and begins to work on that. By the time I left that lesson, Birdie was doing a free walk on a long rein. His head was a foot from the ground. He was so relaxed he acted almost drunk. When I got off of him he just stood there. Totally relaxed, like jello.

This type of thing has happened before with Elizabeth. I arrive there and she has a lesson plan. She sees that's not going to happen today. Instead of having a day where nothing is accomplished, she reads the horse and we work on exactly what he needs and is ready to learn that day. I never thought Birdie would be that relaxed and do such a beautiful free walk. It's a long way from a show, but it's an even longer way from where we were on Monday.

To me, this is a brilliant instructor. I've never had an unproductive lesson with her. My horse always leaves better than when he arrived. We always have progress.

◊ Learning a lesson in a riding lesson - April 1, 2009

I had a lesson with Jim Wofford on March 26. I've been feeling low about my riding. I'm not doing badly, I'm just not where I wanted to be at this time. I failed to achieve my short term goal. Part of it is that I am so overwhelmed. Trying to keep up with my riding and do all that I must to place and rehome retiring racehorses. There is always pressure.

I got to Sharon's early and had the pleasure of watching Jim work with her. I love it when that happens. I'd made up my mind I was going to be softer with Birdie and use my core to slow him, not my hands. I don't think I'm a handsy rider, but I am for Birdie, if that makes sense. It was wonderful, he was relaxed and I was soft. We were easily getting the four stride in four strides, not the usual three. Jimmy wasn't yelling at me. This is going to be the best lesson I've ever had with Jimmy...

Jimmy was dressed in camouflage for hunting or fishing. I just assumed he'd come from or was on his way to fish. Maybe he was, but he decided to stop by Sharon's and shoot down a rider who needed to focus on learning more, not what they had recently put together. A lesson is for learning new things, not showing off what you know - you know.

I purposely do not allow myself to think about the fact that fences are being raised. I am aware they are raising them, but I've seen how it creates anxiety in other riders. So I don't allow myself to do it. It only matters what height they are when you are approaching and jumping them. Not when you are sitting on your horse. So the fact that Jimmy was raising the jumps on a line; vertical, two strides to hogs back, two strides to an oxer, didn't have much effect on me. After all Birdie and I had just jumped that line beautifully. I know Bird will be able to jump anything Jimmy points us at.

Right lead - beautiful rhythmic canter, soft. We make the turn to the jump and Bird sees the hogs back is higher - much higher. Me, I'm sitting there fat, dumb and happy. Birdie isn't dragging me to the jump. He's relaxed and not rushing. This is going to be great.

Bird wants some support, the height of the second jump has backed him off and his rhythm has slowed. Bird being the Bird he is, doesn't quit. He tries to jump it and does something he rarely ever does. He knocks down the rail. Now I'm out of balance and aware I've lost my left stirrup. Bird is a trooper, he's still going to get the job done. He tries with all his Bird might to get over that hogs back, which is higher than the vertical. This wonderful horse jumps it with me completely a burden by now. By this time I am complete with sound effects. Sort of like the ones you hear in an old cartoon. I really wish I'd stop doing that, but it's likely I never will. At any rate, Bird is still trying to jump the oxer, but luckily I steer him away. He would have been so upset if I'd fallen off, and one more bound may have been one too many. So now I am grappling to pull him up, and I do.

Poor Jimmy what must he think? All the work he's put into me and this is what he gets?

Jimmy says, "He's crazy but he's not stupid, when I raise them he reacts to it. Let go of the reins don't expect to get a TOW over bigger jumps. Now come again."

Everything was going so wonderful. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't Jimmy just let me have this one good day? One day when I don't feel like a complete and total failure?

I remember what Sharon told me the previous week. You have to take your anxiety and bad feelings and put them aside. You can't ride with them. I decide to get my head together. The rest of the lesson goes great, mostly because I return my mind to where it was before the mistake.

Towing? Birdie has to tow me? I thought I was getting much softer. More tactful. Better. Maybe I should just resign myself to the fact that I am an ordinary rider, capable only of ordinary things. This horse is too good for me. He needs a great rider to be able to shine the way I know he can. Towing.

I watch the video that night. Towing. It's an accurate description. I tell Diana that I don't know how to ride a horse to a fence. She reminds me that Birdie is the horse I've learned to jump on and until recently he ran at everything. It's not easy to learn to ride to a fence on that kind of horse. That's my excuse, but for me it's inexcusable.

I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a quitter. This works well for me most of the time.
There are times that it causes me a lot of grief. Still I can't help it, I'm just not a quitter. So I turn my attention to March 31, 2009. Schooling at Morven Park. Jimmy is coming to work with two groups. Preliminary and Training. Cherie organized it and did a superb job. The only problem is "Cherie, Training? Are you nuts?" She assures me that most of the people are Novice level and planning to go Training. Still Diana and I think, well I don't know what we thought, but we're going.

Towing. I know what Training level fences look like and I know for a fact towing isn't going to get me and my Bird to the other side. We get there early and I watch part of the Prelim group. They're good and it's fun to watch. I need to get to the trailer to get my Bird. I want to stroll around and have plenty of time to get my butterflies flying in formation. From the start I must do what Sharon has said. I must not allow myself to have anxiety or feelings of failure. It's a choice to have them. I know how to put them out of my mind, I did it for 20 years while galloping racehorses. I'm going to do it today. I know that Birdie is going to question the approach to these bigger fences. I must give him the rein length he needs to jump and I must keep him straight to the fence with my legs only.

The first two fences are just logs and though I am nervous, it goes well. On the other side of the road there is a more substantial log and a jump further along that I immediately don't like the looks of. We jump the substantial one and on approach, Birdie is iffy. I use my legs and soften my reins. He responds and takes off. I have to slip the reins to give him enough, he is so round. He is happy. "My human let me jump!!"

Next it's both the substantial and the one I don't like. Thanks Sharon, I'm not going to screw this up by reacting. I have the formula and I'm sticking to it. It's a Bird, we can fly! He is so happy. I am so happy. Thanks Sharon, I'm going to stay focused and think about jumping.

Back to Jimmy, "You're flapping your arms to the fence, use your legs not your arms." Yes I was and I worked the entire day to stop. The video clearly showed:

a) it's really ugly when you flap your arms, and no matter what someone says when they tell you

The only problem I had all day was at a really big jump that everyone had issues with. Birdie ran out because - you guessed it - I started to flap my arms. "Human, why would you choose now to do your chicken impression? It's not a good time." So I stopped doing it and he jumped it beautifully. In my opinion he jumped it the best of every horse there. I love my Bird.

So here's my point. I had a wonderful day at Morven Park. Absolutely wonderful and I learned a lot too. I am sure - I am positive - if I hadn't had that lesson on the 26th with Jimmy, and if he hadn't raised that fence and taught me that lesson, I would not have had a wonderful day at Morven. I would have had a wonderful lesson with Jimmy where I learned nothing, and then a horrible day at Morven. There was no way my Bird could have towed me over those jumps. Thank you Jimmy.

◊ The Giving of Permission - March 14, 2009

Birdie and I went to Sharon White's to school over her ever expanding cross country jumps. She was kind enough to give Diana with D A and me with Birdie a lesson. It's been a while since I did any cross country jumps with Birdie other than the ones at my farm. As I expected when we rode out onto the cross country course he became very uptight. It didn't help that there were other riders riding around. Birdie knew something was up. He was a mixture of anxiety and excitement which mixes like oil and vinegar. Except if you shake it, you won't like what you get.

I tried my "do dressage in the field" system, which was good, but not good enough. Sharon came down on a 4 year old of her own and began by talking about galloping. She told Diana and I to separate and warm up in the gallop. Birdie's head was higher than high. She told me don't worry about where his head is, put your hands down and keep your reins longer. This is hard to do when you're about to have your eye poked out by your horse's ear.

Now we began by jumping a log which Birdie did well and my new correct way of pulling him up worked like a charm. What a relief. Next we went to a log that's up off the ground a bit and Birdie didn't like it and stopped. By the way, D A who's never done cross country, willingly jumped everything and seemed to love it all. Back to Birdie - I started to kick Birdie and tell him he should have jumped that log. After all, he's jumped tons of logs. Sharon told me to stop. Stand there and try to get him to look at it. Birdie doesn't think he's allowed to look at jumps. He didn't want to and he snorted his dismay and acted quite silly, but eventually he walked up to it and put his head down to take a sniff. It took nearly five minutes, but once he sniffed that log a wave of relaxation went through his body. Sharon told me to walk around it keeping him as close to it as possible which I did with little trouble. She said that Birdie is scared and this is how I should work it out with him. She was right because he was brave and confident for the rest of the lesson.

While driving home, I thought about what had happened and I realized what she had done was given me a way to give Birdie permission to look at jumps. What I had done was to tell him, it's okay to look and this ended his fear. Apparently he is afraid to jump without looking and I don't blame him. I am so impressed with Sharon, she really gets Birdie and I'm excited to work with her again. She has offered to go to Gordonsville with Diana and I. I can't wait.

◊ The accelerator - March 10, 2009

My Bird gets very strong after fences. Everyone agrees he loves to jump and this is part of the reason. I have been a bit accepting of this behavior and I realize I need to address it. I've been trying to make him pull up willingly after I jump. You've heard it before, it seems like the harder I try to pull up, the faster he goes. I've been struggling with this for a while and I found the magic potion today. It's something I knew all along, but just hadn't put together on this horse. Here's how it goes....

Birdie is strong to the fence, but that's another issue - sort of. After the fence he just wants to keep going and what do I do? I pull on the reins - I mean the accelerator, I mean the reins. That's what it does, it makes him go faster, just like racehorses. Oh dear, I already knew that. So I say to myself I need more leg to push him into the bridle. It's not easy to apply leg to a horse that for all intensive purposes is running off. I do it anyway and still no prize. If anything, he's worse. So Jimmy says to me why are you getting on your toe? I think to myself, I really don't know. So I drive home thinking "Why am I getting on my toe?" I think about applying more leg and then I realize I don't have strong enough legs to push him into the bridle. I have strong legs too, but the reason I don't have enough leg is I AM STILL PULLING ON THE REINS TOO MUCH!!! In an effort to squeeze harder, I'm getting on my toe. I have the wrong balance of aids. Wow.

Here's the thing, I'm going to jump a fence and my Bird is going to cut and run and I'm going to soften the reins and apply leg. Now I know why people think horse people are nuts. The thing is it works.

Now for the approach to the fence. I learned something about that today too. It also has to do with the balance and application of the aids. Well doesn't everything? Bird wants to run to the fence and throw himself over it. We know that's wrong, but he is very successful at it, at least up to 3'6". Jimmy has been working with me all winter to change that and it has changed immensely. So now he's been ragging on me (and rightly so) to ride in the moment. Ride the horse of today not yesterday. The horse of the moment, not the horse as he was a moment ago. So here I am cantering to the fence and the Bird is strong. I ride quietly and he produces a rhythmic, balanced canter. As I get to the fence, maybe four strides out, he breaks into the most disastrous trot. It's crazy, so I abort, circle and pick up the canter again. This time as we approach, I soften my elbows and he speeds up and jumps. I get yelled at. Jimmy said, "You always let him sucker you into letting him run at the fence." And I do, Jimmy is right as always. So, I figure I needed more leg to hold him together. Wrong. This is the way it is. As we approach the fence in a slow rhythm, Birdie basically says, "If you won't let me run at it in the canter, I'll run at it in the trot, so there!" I, the human need to wait, wait, stay the same and wait until the moment, the infinitesimal moment when it's time to jump and then soften. Not one stride before, not two strides before, but the moment. Every time. I know everyone knows this, but there's knowing it and knowing it.

By the way, I figured most of this out from my dressage lesson yesterday and then Jimmy asking me the right questions today.

◊ Elizabeth - March 9, 2009

I've been focusing on dressage with Birdie. That's been the toughest thing for him and of course, each time he improves in his dressage, he improves in his jumping. Elizabeth has been working with us three times a week. I wish I could do this all the time, but I have limited funds so this is a temporary situation. We've made huge strides forward and experienced breakthrough after breakthrough.

Something happened the other day that on the surface seems unimportant, but knowing this Bird the way I do, it was a defining moment. In the past, when someone else gets on him, there is a tractor beam pulling him to me. He's very insecure around other people and really only trusts me. Elizabeth got on him a few days and he wanted to stay with me. He learned a lot from Elizabeth and he experienced several transforming moments with her.

I was on the ground on Friday and Elizabeth walked away and Birdie began to follow her. He's never trusted anyone else before this moment. He's been more settled and happier when other people come around. I think he finally realized that most humans are good and I thank Elizabeth for this. One of the things I like most about schooling with Elizabeth, besides the fact she's an incredible teacher, is that she cares about my horses as much as I do. She is attached and personally invested in them. This is very good for me and my horses.

◊ The most magnificent creature to ever walk the earth - February 27, 2009

Graycie. She doesn't owe me a thing, she's already given me more than I have a right to ask for. So. We've been struggling to diagnose her problem. EPM? Negative. Lymes? Negative. Female issue? Nicest uterus and ovaries you've ever seen.

Last Saturday I came home from a lesson on Bird with Elizabeth and JK ran out of the barn and told me he'd take care of the Bird. Graycie was sick and I needed to attend to that. 103.2 temperature. That's serious, Banamine IV brings it down to 99.3 in about an hour. You've got to get the temp down when it's that high for fear of founder. Then of course she's not eating and drinking like she should so I'm worried about colic. It's times like these that you realize these magnificent creatures are so fragile.

I check her periodically through the night and she is fine, but as morning breaks she's back in the 103 range. More Banamine and bute and the temp goes down. She's eating and drinking, but not enough, so I'm watchful. The thing about colic is the earlier you catch it the better your chances. My motto is do anything to keep them from rolling - ANYTHING. So later in the day she seems much better and I'm starting to feel happy. Paranoid happy, but happy none the less.

The next morning she's 101.2, but the banamine and bute don't get the temp down nearly as quickly and she's now starting to show signs of colic. At this point she will not be left alone. Some one will watch her constantly until the crises is over. I'm scared because this is going on too long. I feel like I'm watching the lumberjacks cut down the biggest red wood in the forest. I want to say, Stop! Now the forest is never going to be the same again. I can feel I'm losing my girl, but I'm not ready. The brilliant light isn't in her eyes like it has been since she was a yearling. I give her ace to make her comfortable and stop the urge to roll. We walk her around my farm. She periodically stops to pick grass which makes me feel bad because normally she would take this opportunity to grab as much grass as she can. Punkie is upset because he knows something is wrong. He's not out with the Bi*ch. He's turned out with a nice gelding. Punk watches us go around the farm.

You know it's always like this - I get to the field in the back and here comes Bird and Bear. "Whatcha doing? Why are you walking her?" She picks grass and I look at my boys looking at us and I think to myself, Bear's eye looks funny. So I walk over to find that somehow he's ripped his lower eye lid. He's in a flex fence with no trees or anything, so how he did it I'll never know, but there it is. Normally I'd be freaking out over that, but I've got Graycie here and she's not doing well. I can see his eye ball is fine so I just stick to Graycie and have JK bring in Bird and Bear when he arrives.

I use race track vets. In fact Morgan has taken care of Graycie for most of her racing career and he still takes care of her now. He's a great vet, but the catch is they can't come out in the morning. So I decide to call another vet. He tells me she's had the temp too long and she's probably getting ready to break loose with diarrhea that's why she's feeling colicky. If I want to take her to a clinic they might be able to save her, but it just depends on how much money I want to spend. He's seen people throw $40K at a horse only to lose it. Besides a clinic probably won't take her for fear of salmonella unless they have an isolation stall available. It just depends on how valuable the horse is. I think to myself, she's valuable to me. At any rate he tells me to give her antibiotics, but they won't help for at least 24 hours. He offers to come out in the afternoon if I want. I think to myself, no thanks.

Great. Now, basically I have a vet telling me my horse is going to die. I realize she could die, but I'm not ready. I'm still on do something to save the horse. I call Morgan. Can I say Thank God for Morgan?? I start the call with "I am very upset." I proceed to tell him about my experience with the farm vet. Can I say Thank God for Morgan?? He says to me first of all forget about the fever for now. We need to address the colic. As for diarrhea, she doesn't have it right now, so it's not an issue. It's most likely that her stomach is aggravated from the NSAIDS used to treat the fever so we need to get some Gastrogard into her. I tell him I've had her on Neighlox in the feed since I started giving her the NSAIDS. I give her the Gastrogard and then take her on a van ride. She poops and seems to settle. By the way, Punkie stood at the gate the entire time we were gone and screamed his head off.

During a time like this a good vet is better than two martinis. By afternoon Graycie is acting better than she has in days. I decide to remain paranoid just the same. The next morning, she eats up but an hour later is acting uncomfortable again. TQ and a walk seem to help. We decide that she needs the Gastrogard and Neighlox before being fed and that's the new routine. I make this oatmeal type mixture out of Neighlox for all my horses at the track. They get a dose syringe a couple hours before training. I've not done that on the farm, I just put it in the feed, but I'm rethinking that.

So yesterday Graycie did her famous victory gallop in her field for the first time in a long time. She gallops with her nose pointed to the sky. She's done that since she was a baby. Do you think that it's been ulcers that were bothering her all these months?

◊ one, two, three, four, five, SIX, SEVEN - February 15, 2009

So, Jimmy has been telling me in my last couple of lessons that it is time to take the next step and start riding Birdie. This may mean, legs on or off as circumstances dictate. I know how to ride, I understand that. He also told me I need to work on my riding between fences. I've made progress in that direction - well not as much as I thought, but I know now.

Last Thursday he had me count to the fence and after. Seems easy enough, right? Well it was all I could do to count at all. There were four fences set at angles, two oxers and two verticals. We were to jump each one each direction, alternating leads. Okay, now I have to think about counting, and decide where I'm going to the tune of 8 consecutive fences. Oiii. At the same time, my Bird is rather strong between fences, so I have to ride?

The first thing Jimmy said is to think about what you are doing, while you are counting, you are not counting in rhythm with this strides and your voice is getting higher pitched the closer you get to the jump. This means your body is changing and he can feel that. Righto, I think to myself. The Bird is getting stronger there and I'm in a sort of "help me" mode. So, I'm still trying to figure out how to do these 8 fences in proper sequence and count to the rhythm to my horse's strides. This is hard, I say to myself, but I'm not the type to get yelled at about the same stupid mistake over and over again. Besides, self - You learned to count when you were 3.

How do I get to the fence in the same rhythm on a horse that wants to speed up? If I pull the reins he goes faster, running through the bit. Hmmm, just like a racehorse. I think I need to put him together, just like a baby going to the pole the first time. When youngsters learn to breeze, if you don't put them together, they take more strides and become tired quickly - they lack balance. If you push them into the bit and then soften at the pole, they take bigger strides which is the correct way to open up a horse. They learn rather quickly this is the best way run. To get to the fence in rhythm, it takes very similar aids. I think this is because balance is the key and without rhythm there can be no balance.

So here's what I learned. Counting showed me how much I am not riding my Bird. The important thing I learned is that although he is speeding up to the fences, I need to put much more leg on him to keep him together. This in turn keeps him from speeding up and maintains the rhythm to the fence. I did get it. I can now walk and chew gum at the same time - sometimes.

◊ Momentary Despair - February 6, 2009

This blog is supposed to be about riding, but that's not what I do with most of my time these days. Even though I spend around 6 hours per day riding. I'm sitting here at my desk at 3 a.m. in the morning answering my normal 25 or so emails. So much is happening with the placement/rescue work. I find myself feeling completely impotent. Nothing I do is enough. I just can't get enough done, fast enough for these horses. I deal with people who love them and want what's best for their horses and that is real pressure. Then I deal with people who just want to get rid of them, another sinister kind of pressure. This is what despair feels like. No matter how many times you tell yourself you can't help them all, deep down you really do want to help them all. I'm going to allow myself ten minutes of this and then I'll get back to work. I promise I'll get back to writing about riding. I don't want to bum everybody out. I guess it's normal, I forget I'm human sometimes.

◊ Did you ever jump without reins? - January 17, 2009

I had a lesson with Samantha Allan last week and it was exciting and informative. Birdie, being the high anxiety, energy driven equine is probably the last horse you'd choose to jump without reins, but he is the horse I have. Sam decided it was a great time for me to experience jumping without reins. In the indoor, trotting poles to a one stride was the setting. I learned something about my riding that I hadn't realized. I also faced a fact head on, (not literally) that I already knew.

First, Birdie approaches and jumps beautifully without any input from the reins. Imagine that, I have proof that if I would just leave him alone, he would jump beautifully. That's a great thing to know. Second, my tension or anxiety when approaching the jump has nothing to do with the approach at all. Apparently I know if I leave him alone, he'll approach correctly and jump beautifully. I, being a human though have a desire to have too much contact on approach. Now I know why. After the jump when the Bird is free, he has a YEE HA, good time. He sort of cuts and runs. He did it even better than usual when he realized I had no reins. It was obvious that I approach the jump anticipating the depart from the jump. This in not rational because there's nothing I can do on the approach about the depart except muck it up. Having this information moved my riding up considerably and I never knew this before that lesson.

This lesson was an exhilarating learning experience. It had moments of mild terror as the wall approached. You see, having come from a race track riding background, I'd have been much more comfortable in an open field jumping without reins. There I would have all the time in the world to get them back and slow my Bird. In an indoor, THE WALL IS COMING!! They keep solid objects to a minimum on the race track and that's the way we like it. When I told Jim Wofford what I had done in my last lesson with Sam, he got the biggest, cat that ate the canary grin and said, that Sam is a good girl.

I told Sam I feel I need a lot more of this. Not to worry, she has many more exercises in store for me. I am lucky to have such great people to work with.

◊ I think I think too much but it works for me - January 6, 2009

So it's 33 ̊ and raining today at Leighton Farm. I was going to the track do pictures and video of four horses to add to the site, but it was just too dreary for the pictures to come out well. I felt pressure anyway because I was sure the day would deteriorate and I have horses I simply must ride today - in the cold rain.

I don't have an indoor or even a sand arena. We built this farm to accommodate the needs of racehorses and they don't need an arena. I never cared for farm racetracks, so we have turf gallops and trails through the woods for schooling the babies. It's great for transitioning thoroughbreds and it was easy to incorporate jumps into the gallops. The thing is, when the footing is greasy, I have to be innovative. It was that way with the babies and racehorses and it's that way with the horses in show training. Today we only had a couple must trains. One is a baby that was really rotten to break and now that she's going good. We give her light days, not days off. We are all safer that way.

The other is, you guessed it The Bird. I gave him a break last week, but just found out we get to school with Jimmy this Thursday. The Bird is a pip after a day off so we usually hack about the farm the first day back. The next day we school on the flat which will set us up perfectly for our lesson on Thursday.

Now when I get back to the farm it's 33 ̊ and raining. I have to admit I'm used to it. I galloped for around 20 years at Pimlico and your job is to ride, rain, shine, sleet, snow. I hate galloping in ice rain, it hurts your eyes. If you wear goggles it builds up on them quickly and you can't see. I used to close my eyes and open them for a stride every three or four strides. Can't say I miss that.

Getting to the point - this is an epiphany for me. I would estimate every month I've schooled with Elizabeth Madlener she has at least once per month taken hold of the reins near the horse's mouth in an attempt to show me the elastic "feel" I should have. In other words, the relationship with the horse's mouth. I did understand it and try to put it into play. I've always been a tactful rider, so I'm sure I was getting it?

A few entries ago in this blog I talked about Sharon White and how light she is on a horse. In fact this is a trait that the really gifted riders seem to have. They are effortless and comfortable on a horse. The horse in turn is completely comfortable with them.

I'm always working on my riding and trying to learn why I do what I do. The Bird loves to run at jumps, he came to me that way. When he is in high anxiety you have to take hold of him to the jump and then let go on approach. This is very hard to do. Jimmy has made it easier for me to do this and I've been working on it. I asked myself why can't I let go? It's driving me nuts. It's easier for everyone to let go, the horse is happier. I've never had a problem letting racehorses go. Why is this so hard on this horse?

Today riding my Bird in the cold rain at the walk on a long rein I found the answer. Tension. Tension is the answer. The truly great riders all lack tension. This is why Sharon is so light. She is strong and effective, but hasn't an ounce of tension in her body. The "feel" that Elizabeth keeps showing me. To achieve it there can be no tension. The tension in my shoulders and elbows prevents me from letting go of the Bird. It builds with his tension. I have to be strong to ride him to the fence, but by the time I arrive at the take off I've built up so much tension in my body to hold him, I can't let go completely.

◊ What a week - January 4, 2009

Last Tuesday I went to Rosaryville State Park with a horse that isn't mine. He was pulled from a kill pen and is the poster child for the fact that many, maybe most horses that go to slaughter could have been wanted by someone had they been given the chance. I have him on my site for sale, to a great home only. In the meantime I get the privilege of riding him which is more fun that I can tell you. He jumps me out of the irons at times and can't wait for the next fence. I took him rather than Birdie because I wanted to do video to show what he can do. Besides, Birdie can jump those with one hoof tied behind his back. If I took him it would be for my benefit only and since I had Chance, aka Lucky Charm, Birdie could stay home and wait for our Jimmy lesson. Samantha Allan came with me and schooled me over the course and I've never done as well. It was a wonderful day and I can see progress in my jumping with each passing day now.

My Jimmy lesson was yet another breakthrough day. I have a party going on in my head when I jump. There is so much going on in there that it gets crowded. Lately I've been asking people to leave the party so I can focus, and it's working. The gathering has gone from a discotheque, complete with rotating ball, to a slightly rowdy gathering of friends. I'm starting to really ride instead of just accomplishing an overview of new skills. I'm putting it together and it's a great feeling. It's still a struggle at times, but I'm finding moments when I'm comfortable. I finally feel I'm in my element. I always felt that way galloping, even when things weren't going so well. It's a real breakthrough for this to be happening in my jumping.

◊ The other half of the equation - December 19, 2008

It occurs to me that I've not been including the other major factor in my progress. I think it is because this was already a regular part of my development. If you are going to get a true picture of what is happening, I need to start talking about Elizabeth.

I am in awe of the insight she has into my riding and my horses. She is keen on what Birdie needs and he is always happy and content after our work with Elizabeth, no matter the mood he arrived with.

I am lucky that all of my teachers are in sync. When I work with Elizabeth after a lesson with Jimmy, she sees progress, not regression in either myself and my horse. The same is true when my Jimmy lesson follows Elizabeth and now I've added Samantha Allan to the mix. I've asked Samanth just who she is on several occasions. Sometimes Jimmy's words come out of her and other times it's Elizabeth. I believe I am lucky to have such wonderful talents molding both me and my horses.

There is something about Elizabeth that I appreciate very much. She forms a relationship with my horses and their well being is her priority. She gives them a rider who hears them through feeling and has shown me that everything I do effects my horse, absolutely everything.

I've never had a lesson with Elizabeth that my riding and my horse's training didn't improve. It doesn't get any better than that.

◊ A true gift - December 18, 2008

This is a small part of what I learned yesterday at my lesson with Jim Wofford. It was one of those days that you know will change your riding and your relationship with your horse forever.

Part of receiving and appreciating a gift is actually recognizing that is has been given to you. Sure, on holidays it’s easy to know you’re being handed a gift, but what about the intangible, unexpected gift? Many times these are the overlooked blessings.

Today I got such a gift. Birdie was transformed right under me into a horse that was patiently waiting for my cues. I took the hour to realize what I was on, but now I have a completely new direction in which to go.

Birdie received the gift of comfort and confidence today and he realized it immediately and responded in kind. I, being a human took longer to understand and as always my Bird was patiently waiting for me to arrive.

I learned today that I must use my head to ride every stride, not in a labored heavy way, but in a light, intuitive way. I can’t check out, because he is waiting for me now. The horse that I could not even think of touching with my leg, now requires that leg. No more hanging on to him to get to the jump. Now I must soften and wait out the ascent. I did not know what to do on the approach. I found myself out of kilter without a horse to hold to the jump . Even though it was wrong, it was the only way to get there. I’ve rarely experienced this before today.

◊ Cross country schooling at Leighton Farm!! - December 7, 2008

Samantha Allan came over to my farm and schooled me over every cross country fence I have here. I've been dying to jump the chevron and the Bird cruised over it like it was built for him. We did the roll top my husband made and that is certain motivation for him to build the corners I want for Christmas. I am so lucky to have Samantha just around the corner. A weekly lesson in jumping again is moving my progress along. She is a student of Jimmy and works with Sharon White, so that makes things perfect for me. I am so lucky.

◊ The lesson that keeps on giving - December 6, 2008

Yesterday was the best day Birdie and I have had - ever. When discussing leg position, Jimmy had also told me to lift my little toes. Sounds weird, but it puts my lower leg on the horse. I have to add that five minutes earlier Samantha Allan has suggested the same thing. This helps my stubborn left leg. The problem may be in my ankle. Kind of makes sense since I damaged the Achilles tendon and have stiffness there. Elizabeth is going to be so happy with my leg position improvement - I hope.

Jimmy also talked a lot about changing direction often to slow Birdie down, rather than actively trying to slow him down. Lots of shoulder in and leg yield and reversing direction to keep his mind settled. He also finally addressed the rooting. He told me he's not liking that very much and suggested I fix one hand when Birdie does it. In this way he punishes himself, but has a way down to the ground. If you jerk Birdie, of course his head goes up. If you fix both hands he reaches the end of the reins and up his head goes. If you fix one rein, he reaches the end of the reins and bends downward. That Jimmy, what a fox - that's why his farm is named Fox Covert.

So yesterday, Birdie and I did flat work - not in the ring. Jimmy had mentioned the Bird is very dependent on the walls/sides of the arena. They seem to give him security. At 45 minutes his back was so relaxed he was gently flipping his crest as I was riding him. My hands were quiet and soft. That is the moment I had finally shown my Bird to the ground. He followed the bit as long and low as I wanted to make it. I almost cried tears of joy.

◊ Jimmy Lesson!!! - December 5, 2008

I had another lesson with Jimmy yesterday and as an extra added bonus, Samantha Allan took a horse too. I just started taking lessons with Samantha and it's amazing the progress I'm making. She is a longtime student of both Jimmy and Sharon White. Most recently she has schooled with Sharon, but wanted Jimmy to see her horse Everest - aptly named I might add. Samantha's farm is only five minutes from mine, making it possible for me to have a weekly lesson with her. The fact that she was there yesterday was great for me because she now has the input from Jimmy to apply to my lessons.

As always, this lesson was very productive. I'm starting to analyze the feelings I'm getting from my Bird. I feel a lot from my horses, but when jumping I've not been able to take advantage of it, partly because I've been concentrating on trying to be in the right place. I still need work, but I'm getting it. Jimmy answered a question that was on my mind about leg position without even being asked.

The lesson centered around the horse waiting to go where the rider signals rather than anticipating the next jump. The jumps were set up so the horse and rider had several choices, making it impossible for the horse to know which one until the rider signaled, usually by turning his head over the preceding jump. That's all my Bird needs. A one stride to a two stride oxer or angle left to a jump or right to another jump. Consequently, once the horse is going through the one stride he must wait for the rider to direct him to his next jump.

What happens in Birdies mind is a fantastic jumping festival. Did you ever see the Beggin' Strips commercial where the dog is saying "BACON!!!". That's Birdie, only he's exclaiming "JUMPING!!! WHICH ONE??? WHICH ONE???" I feel this and I get excited and now we're both screaming "JUMPING!!!", when I need to stay the same and say "Yes, Birdie we're going left this time." The long and short of it is (a) I felt this. (b) I realized what I was doing. and (c) I stopped reacting to Birdie's excitement. Everything about our performance improved. Pretty neat.

◊ Everything costs $$ - November 30, 2008

I talked in length with Dr. Carol about Graycie yesterday and she suggested a plan of attack, although she said the money I could throw at this is endless. Anyway, she told me to start with simple flexion. She wasn't crazy about the EPM theory, especially in light of the nature of her disobedience. Meaning, Graycie's attacks are awfully coordinated in nature. Coupled with the fact that EPM tends to be a farm problem and I have no other cases here. Not that it couldn't be the problem, just not the most likely one.

So I did the flexions yesterday and at least where her joints are concerned, Graycie is the soundest horse to ever walk this earth. Perfect rhythm and movement. Poetry in motion, a pleasure to watch. I should have felt better, and I do in a way, but what is it that is bothering her?

I already had the saddle fitter out to check her saddle. Her back still could bother her, but unlikely as well. Now I'm on to the Lymes disease theory. Neurological, but not necessarily causing lameness. There's a test and I'm going to have it done. More money....

◊ The Goal - November 29, 2008

Yesterday, I reached my goal of posting without stirrups for thirty minutes. I actually felt I could have done it the day I achieved twenty minutes, but was afraid I wouldn't be able to walk the next day. Conditioning oneself is interesting. For two months I wondered if I would make it to ten minutes and then it was literally like one day I could go as long as I please. Of course, I don't think I need to do past thirty minutes, unless Jimmy tells me otherwise. I really hope he doesn't.

◊ What happened to Graycie? - November 28, 2008

I haven't been talking about Graycie lately because I just couldn't. Her love of dressage and being ridden, progressively turned into hatred. It started about two months ago and I still don't have the answer, but I feel I'm getting close. I am sure something is bothering her a lot. The problem with diagnosing this mare is she is as tough as they come. Even though she is a b**ch, she has always done everything I asked of her. She's done it to the best of her ablility, but not without making her opinions clear to me.

It started out as resistance and turned into exercises to improve my seat. Put another way, the fact that I could stay on her while she had the tantrums was a miracle. My seat is definitely better now. I should inject that I can ride any movement in an exercise saddle, but in a dressage saddle I feel defenseless. What was she doing? Well, she was running off for a while. Not far, but it got me good. She was tough as a race horse, but never ran off. I figured she was getting bored so I started doing some cross country hacks which weren't the most fun I've ever had, but they seemed in the beginning to help.

She was good in her lessons with Elizabeth when the problem first started, but I did tell Elizabeth about the running off. Finally, one lesson about a month ago she did it when I asked for the canter. I have to inject, running off doesn't make me that upset. I've galloped race horses for 20+ years. Being run off with is far from the worst thing that can happen. They always stop. It's the fact that Graycie was telling me something important and I was missing it. By now she and I were both frustrated. By the way, when Graycie ran off with me in the lesson, Elizabeth looked me square in the eye and asked me what I thought I did to cause her to do that. I thought to myself, "I left my exercise saddle at home". She is right though, my canter transitions need a ton of work and Graycie knows it.

Running off wasn't getting the results Graycie wanted. I was getting great at dealing with it so naturally she came up with another way to communicate her concerns to me. Something she had done as a race horse, but now, with all that gymnast type muscle she's developed as a dressage horse, she was much more athletic about it. I should mention here that Graycie does warn me before she lets me have it. She makes a eee, eee, eee noise and about five to ten minutes later she lets me have it. The new behavior? Straight up in the air, come down peg leg, move right, then maybe back in the air, come down peg leg, move left. She is quite an amazing athlete because she can do this five or six times. In the beginning it got me loose, but I can't tell you how much it has improved my seat. I can only think if she really wanted me off, I'd have come off, but I didn't even when I wished I would.

What was I doing all this time? I had her teeth checked, she did have a couple sharp ones so I was hoping that was the problem. Got on her after a week off and no luck. So I thought, she doesn't trust the bit anymore, I got a Nathe. No luck. My vets suggested I give her Regumate and bute for a week and see what happens. I got on her yesterday and no luck. I am certain though that the problem is to right side. In a way it's getting worse with time off. I'm starting to consider neurological issues. EPM?? I have great vets and we're going to have a pow wow about this today. I had planned to give Graycie off the winter regardless, but I need to get a handle on this problem first. She is so tough, that's why this is so difficult to diagnose, but she's my girl and we'll figure this out.

◊ 20 minutes!! - November 26, 2008

One great thing about posting without stirrups for twenty minutes is it makes ten minutes seem easy. Today I finally graduated to twenty minutes and my form is good. That's two thirds of the way to my goal of thirty minutes. Of course, Bear deserves a medal. While I have my third arm out patting myself on the back I should give Bear his fair share of accolades. He is trotting around the farm for fifty minutes with a five minute break between two point and posting without stirrups. What a good horse. I couldn't do it without him.

◊ It's been a while since I checked in - November 19, 2008

I am up to 30 minutes per day of unsupported two point going cross country on my farm. Poor Bear, he hates it and to make things interesting he does the disappearing head trick. The great news is I can stay in two point and get his head up. My position has changed a lot. I feel stable, but I've also realized how uneven I am, both in the weight I have in each stirrup and the way I use each leg. This exercise is extremely valuable in propagating equal use of my body.

I'm still at 10 minutes of posting without stirrups, but the quality of my position is drastically improving, making it a much more demanding 10 minutes. I plan to expand to 15 when my left leg is doing half the work. As it stands my right leg is stronger than my left.

I've been the luckiest person in the world. I've gotten two lessons with Jimmy since the clinic and I'm becoming much more aware of the finesse my Bird requires of me. I feel great about the improvement I'm making and I'm motivated to keep on. It makes all the torture worth it. In fact, I can't wait to ride every day. I am so excited about what I'll learn today. It's like being handed a gift you get to open every day.

I've been going to Sharon White's for the lessons and it is striking how light and supple she is while riding. Horses are so comfortable with her. I feel like I ride like I'm driving a Mack truck. This is good to know because now I'm very aware of every move I make and how I make it. This will be good for Birdie, actually it will be good for all my horses.

◊ Cross Country Clinic with Jimmy - October 21, 2008

This was a big day for me and I had (1) a plan and (2) a lot of butterflies. Go back and read about my first cross country clinic with Jimmy to understand why I brought so many butterflies. I wanted to get to An Otherwise Perfect Farm with enough time to tack up, stroll around in a power walk and then do the "show the Bird to the ground thing". Cherie was on board with the plan and I was happy to have her there for support. She elected not to bring Katchi because of the upcoming ride at Waredaca. She insisted I bring my video camera so she could document my ride. I told her I didn't want to see myself ride right now because I knew I looked like a pile of crap on a horse. I just wasn't feeling tough enough to deal with it. So, I brought the video camera and Cherie documented my ride.

If you've never read the book Riding Logic, by W. Museler. Read it. Every day, my Bird is improving from the knowledge in this book. It was astounding the way this horse who has so much anxiety was stretching and reaching to the ground as I warmed him up. Cherie videoed this and it was the first time I was able to see it. It's like - a miracle. Birdie is not only feeling better physically, but he's happier. He did this with other horses warming up all around him. He relaxed. I am truly amazed. I was glad she made me bring that camera.

Jimmy always starts out by getting our names and he actually knows mine now and that's neat. He also said we'd start in the arena so we could get our butterflies flying in formation. Works for me. We then went out to the cross country course and started with some stadium jumps on a hill. We then transitioned to the actual cross country jumps. Jimmy corrected me a lot. Particularly about posting at the canter, which I didn't quite understand, but I do now. Also, soft hands, which are mandatory with Birdie. He is super sensitive to everything. I was holding my own and more stable than I had been in the past. Primarily due to my developing "Jimmy legs".

Then he told us to jump this bench and then gallop a ways to what looked to me like a black ski ramp. GULP, this took me right back to Win Green and Birdie hanging over that ski ramp. Okay, self, this is how it's going to be. You can do this, you know this horse can do this. This is your moment of truth. Look at these other people, they can do it. Thank God I wasn't first. The first jump, piece of cake, although it was windy so I couldn't hear what Jimmy was yelling even though he had a megaphone. I know he wasn't yelling "Good job". We were now approaching the black ski ramp, how appropriate the color. Wait, leg, look at the jump, wait, soft hands, grab mane, WE DID IT!! It felt like crap, but we did it. Now Birdie was rolling right along and that's the fun part. He was happy, apparently I did a fairly decent job. Cherie later told me it looked good.

I've got to thank Jimmy Wofford for teaching me. I'm beginning to think this really is possible. At the end of the clinic he told me he wanted me to watch that video and I wouldn't be happy. I knew that going in, but yet another sacrifice to learn. If you want to learn how to ride, you need to leave your ego in the house or the car. It's just an obstacle when you bring it to your horse.

I watched the video. Cherie told me just watch one thing, your hands, or leg position. Well, my eye went right to my big bouncing butt. In racing we have a different name for posting at the canter. Monkey f**king a foot ball. There are a couple of amazing things about this. One is it was incredible how still I could keep my hands while my butt was going up and down that much, they really only moved when I was uptight. Two, I galloped at the track for 20+ years and never looked like that. The good news is this is going to be rather easy to fix. I think I've been way overthinking this two point thing. I'm trying to do everything but gallop the way I know how. I think I need to just gallop the horse. There is little difference between the way eventers and racetrackers gallop and I've been thinking they're totally different positions. I'm sure I'll still have to work on it, but the monkey thing, it's got to go today.

◊ Fair Hill Course walk with Jimmy - October 17, 2008

Cherie, genius, had asked Jimmy at the last gymnastics clinic if he would be walking the course at Fair Hill. He said he was, and she asked if we could join in. He said yes, but he didn't know what time it would be. We had a plan. We would spend the entire day there and keep an eye on Jimmy. Sort of stalk him so we could do that course walk. It ended up being much easier because he posted the time on his site and Cherie was probably the first person to see it.

We spent the day at Fair Hill. Watching the dressage, shopping, having lunch, shopping, checking out the exhibits, shopping. You get the idea. Around 3:15 Jimmy got up and we knew we had to go. He drove to the start box. We had to walk. I mean speed walk, at least we thought we were speed walking - there was no way we were going to miss a moment.

He was walking the three star course with two riders, Josh Barnacle and Debbie Rosen. Cherie and I filed in behind. If you've never been to Fair Hill, the course is rather "hilly". It's not flat and we found out that Jimmy walks faster than any human alive. At least we think so. I ride 5 or 6 horses a day and I was winded and sweating in no time flat. Determination was our best friend and Cherie and I toughed it out. We were really happy each time we got to a jump, to hear what Jimmy had to say and to catch our breath before the next walk phase. We were feeling like wimps until Josh said he should have trained to do the course walk with Jimmy. Josh went on to put in a solid performance in the cross country phase. Debbie, put in a fantastic ride but fell with three fences to go. We were rooting for them both.

We walked for 2 and 1/2 hours. It was fantastic and I learned a lot. At the end of the walk Jimmy asked how we were doing and I told him I had been reading the book he suggested. Also I had been doing the exercises. He asked if they were working and I said yes, but likely not enough, knowing I had a clinic with him on Tuesday.

The book is Riding Logic and it's written in an old style that is very hard to follow. That said, it's doing more for Birdie than I ever thought possible. I was a quarter the way through the book and the author kept referencing the "badly made horse". I kept thinking "why am I reading a book about horses with bad conformation?" Well, keep reading, its about badly trained horses. The key part of the book is the part about showing the horse to the ground. My bird needs this more than anything and I've been working on it.

◊ Is there gain in this pain? - October 7, 2008

I've been following my new program of working on my dressage leg and jumping leg everyday. It is making me sore. At the end of each exercise I am literally asking myself "How bad do you want it?" I must want it bad.

So anyway, I haven't gotten to posting without stirrups past ten minutes, but I have been improving the method. Simply put, my leg without stirrups is improving. I'm also doing two point trotting up and down hills with zero support from mane, reins or leaning on neck. I'm trying to balance myself as long as possible, and it's happening even on the up and down.

Birdie and I are working on that long, longer, longest dressage leg and opening my hips. Oww, oww, oww, but it's happening. Tightness in my left hip is what's lifting my right seatbone off the saddle. It's all good.

So a test today. The Bird and I did our usual high powered stroll around the farm, followed by trotting where he chooses his head position and my hands follow. I then did jumping with my new improved, painfully acquired jumping position. That new leg works great. I have improved balance and the leg and hands are not depending on each other so much. We did the figure eight canter lead changes over the fences. Just a few weeks ago I could not transfer my weight to get the lead change in the air. This day it was systematic. No coming back too early to the saddle after the jump. Birdie started out his wound up self, but quickly relaxed and slowed down as he realized it was going to be a very different day to jump.

Yes, the gain is worth the pain. Incentive to go on.

I've decided that in addition to the leg/position work, I need to be a more giving rider. My horses are givers, probably most horses are. It's a frame of mind as much as an action. I want to give to my horses at every opportunity. I want them to expect to get what they need from me. Of course, giving the reins whenever possible, but I've decided it's more than that. Giving seat, lighter more flexible. Giving shoulders, elastic and kind. Riding with strength that allows me to give to them and accept what they offer, which is a lot. I ask them for something, but then I have to give them what they need to accomplish it.

◊ My legs are a pretzel - October 3, 2008

I galloped racehorses for around 20 years everyday and I miss it. If I had more time I'd go and get on a few every morning. As it is I can't even keep up with my regular schedule. Eventing is demanding in a different way than most disciplines. I have a great race rider leg, or at least I think I do, I very rarely ever came off a racehorse, no matter how bad things were going. Considering the numbers I rode, that's got to be a good indicator.

Now here I am 45 years old and learning to jump. At the same time, I'm doing dressage - every day. Here's the problem: Elizabeth wants my leg one place and Jimmy wants my leg another. They are both right, so what do I do? For those of you who are younger, I have bad news, you are going to stiffen up, really bad. This makes the whole thing even tougher.

This is what I've decided to do. I'm going to do both leg positions every day. Yesterday, I rode the Bear in the usual program. This is my Jimmy exercise horse. I posted w/out stirrups and spent 20 minutes in two point without any rein contact. My legs hurt. The Bird has topline and anxiety issues so I've been hacking him around the farm a ton. He is developing a better topline and at the same time he is relaxing. I call them our "power walks", this was at Elizabeth's suggestion, but Jimmy basically told me to do the same thing. We do some trotting, but only so much as he remains relaxed. These days I stretch my legs longer and longer. No knee, lower leg on, relax and open your hips. I've got muscles screaming I didn't know I had - in the walk! We usually do about 45 minutes to an hour.

By the time I get to Graycie, I'm warmed up and my legs have passed through the "pretzel" stage. They're as good as they're going to be that day. My goal right now is to have my position as correct as possible and use as little aids as possible to get the desired result. We are working on getting her on the outside rein with minimal inside rein use. Yesterday, I realized, as she growled almost the entire ride, she resents getting off the inside rein. Remember, she's a former racehorse and I broke her and galloped her the entire career. She expects certain things of me. As a racehorse she was tough and although she does not lay on the reins, she expects that inside rein to be there. Let me add, when Graycie growls, its a warning that something unpleasant is coming and she had three nasty little tantrums yesterday in the windy chilly weather. We got through it. I'm making progress and I know when she gets through this phase, were going to progress to the next plateau.

Let me take a moment to explain what it's like riding this mare. She is so smart, so sensitive. We've been working on her canter depart for some time now and she does not consistently pick up the lead I want. Notice I said I want, not the lead I ask for. I am supposed to ask for the lead I want with my inside leg when her inside hind is coming under her at the trot. I can feel that, but my timing isn't always perfect. I realized a few days ago she picks up the lead I ask for, so to speak. If I squeeze while the inside hind is coming under, she picks up the correct lead. If I squeeze when the outside hind is coming under, she picks up the outside lead. "It's all up to you human." This is all good, because this mare requires me to be correct at all times. As my timing improves, think what I'll be able to ask for and get. Incredible.

◊ The third Jim Wofford Clinic - September 30, 2008

I didn't know I was going to ride in this one until the day before. I drew in after a cancellation and I was ecstatic! Cherie was happy too because we would be going together and that's always more fun. You can talk about what you learned with someone who was there. It's actually a better learning experience.

I had to rush to get things in order so I could go. My plan was to get up at 3 a.m., feed and tack up the Bear. He's my rescue and his new job is the posting with one stirrup and without stirrups. I think it's as hard on him as it is on me. I've worked my way up to 10 minutes left stirrup, 10 minutes right stirrup and ten minutes without stirrups. I'm not young and consequently I'm stiff. I realize how stiff because these exercises loosen me up and build my strength. I wanted to be my best so I wanted to do this before I rode the Bird with Jimmy.

So there I was in the dark in front of my barn riding my Bear when JK pulled up. I know JK thinks I'm crazy. He's a retired jockey and although he's very interested in the "show type riding", he doesn't understand a lot of it. In particular, why I'd get up at 3 a.m. to torture myself and the Bear.

My Bird was a little more "up" this time but that was okay, I was ready. I had religiously been doing my exercises and I was warmed up and ready to go. Billy Meister was riding a green horse in my class and what a pleasure to watch that kind of skill. The horse soaked up his quiet demeanor like a sponge. It's good to be around those kind of riders, it makes you realize there's so much more to this than just correctness. Gifted riders give something intangible to horses that brings out their best in an easy, unlabored way. Natural and effortless.

Back to my struggle with position - my reality. I was riding, oh five minutes and Jimmy told me "lets pick up where we left off last time". We made a lot of progress with this horse and I want it to continue. That meant, get out of his mouth going to the jump, grab mane and wait.

Birdie did duck out once at this clinic, it was an oxer and the first time he has ever ducked out during a gymnastic exercise. Jimmy and I had a discussion about leg position after that which really helped because with all this painful posting I've been doing, I don't really know where my leg belongs for jumping. Now I do. This was a great day and this time Jimmy didn't tell me to post without stirrups or post with only one, but I plan to keep doing it until I can post without for 30 minutes. He suggested I read a book, Riding Logic by Wilhelm Museler. I ordered it and it's on it's way. He wants me to learn about showing the horse to the ground.

Cherie and Katchi - I've learned so much about training an eventer from this pair. I have the mind of a trainer, but I now have to apply it to a new discipline. I am in awe of the progress these two have made together in the past year. Last year there were many times, it seemed impossible Katchi would ever do a horse trial. Now the two of them are a team. Poetry in motion and it seems with each day they are more polished. They had a great day at the clinic. If anything, Katchi was too relaxed, almost napping at times. What a change from last year when alert was a kind description of Katchi's attitude. The focus at this clinic seemed to be on teaching Katchi to adjust to changes in the height of the jump. Of course, he made great progress, and Cherie was - well perfect.

◊ The second Jim Wofford Clinic - September 16, 2008

Birdie and I were brave enough to show our faces at the gymnastics clinic with Mr. Wofford at An Otherwise Perfect Farm. What a difference a few months makes. My good friend Cherie was in the 3' class and wanted me to do it with her. I thought about it and decided to do the 2'6". Not because Birdie couldn't do it, because he can skip over that height. I've been jumping with Steuart and doing it as well. The reason was I really wanted to have a good day, so I aimed low.

It was a perfect day. Birdie was relaxed this time. Jimmy really gave me some insight into how I can ride this incredible horse better. He gave me exercises to do to really improve my riding, even if they are - well painful. Did you ever post with only one stirrup? How about gallop? It is helping though, not just my jumping, but my dressage too. Oh, I also have to post without stirrups, which believe it or not is easier to do than having only one, at least for me. Jimmy told me he really likes Birdie and I can't tell you how much that means to me. This horse is such a giver, I am touched by how much confidence he has in me. We didn't even knock down a rail. Me and the Bird Man redeemed ourselves. What a great day.

◊ Our first dressage test together - September 14, 2008

No not Graycie and I, although I'm sure it's going to be quite a story. Birdie has dressage anxiety issues. He gets uptight at the sight of a dressage arena. I don't know why, but that's the horse I have. We entered in the BN Short Course at Loch Moy. What a gorgeous place that is. The people are fantastic too.

Dressage was first thing in the morning and my faithful friend Cherie was there at my side even though she was there to compete the fabulous Katchi. We had to walk down a long hill to the warm up arena. I told Cherie it seemed the more I drill the Bird the more uptight he gets. My strategy would be to try to ride him on as loose a rein as possible during warm up. To my amazement, he was going for it. I even did a little on the bit work and he was quite pleasing.

Now it was time to walk up a small hill to an area with three dressage arenas side by side. Now let me inject that it's been over 20 years since I rode a dressage test. When Birdie saw the dressage arenas, he became extremely uptight. There was no bending to try to relax him, any movement is prohibited until he tones down a notch. Now I know, from riding racehorses, when a horse is this tight, and I mean tight, you just sit there. Any movement at all and they pop off. What is pop off? Well it manifests itself in many different forms, but it's never good and around a dressage arena it will probably be embarrassing too.

The guy before me is saluting and it's time. Here I go around the arena on my very uptight horse who is now even more uptight. My only goal is to make certain that this wonderful horse does not have a bad experience. He needs me to do this right. I look down in the judges box and what do I see? It's my neighbor. I start to laugh which is great. What are the odds I don't ride a dressage test for 20 years and my neighbor is the judge?

I'm going to get my third arm out now and give myself a pat on the back for the following reasons. Me and the Bird rode a very accurate test. His straight lines were pretty straight, his circles were round, he did his transitions where he was supposed to. It was not a competitive test because he was so uptight, but it was an accurate test. It is very hard to accurately ride a test on a horse that uptight, believe me. The best part of it was, although he never really relaxed, he did become more relaxed as the test went on. I am excited to ride the next one because I think we're on the right road, albeit a long road.

We did not do the cross country course in competition, it was very hot and in two days I was to ride with Jimmy. We did school it later in the day and the most special thing happened. Birdie never has fun, he just does his job. I can never get him to take a treat and when I ride him I know he loves me, but he doesn't seem to know how to just enjoy. This day though we had a breakthrough. It was so hot and Cherie decided we should stand in the water jump a bit. Katchi was splashing up a storm and Birdie just stood there wondering what the hell we were doing. Waiting for me to decide the next task. Then it happened, after about ten minutes of standing there, Birdie put a hoof forward and splash! "Hey, I like this!" Splash, splash splash! Cherie and I were laughing and telling that Bird what a good horse he is. Katchi joined in and said, "Hey when I do this you tell me to cut it out."

It was a good day. Cherie and Katchi did what they do best, they won their class.

◊ Christmas in July - July 21, 2008

It was Christmas in July for me today. I've not seen someone ride Graycie since she was ridden by a jockey in a race. She was beautiful. Steuart rode her and she did everything she was asked. She was a handful upon arrival but that stopped when she realized why she was there.

My lesson on Birdie was wonderful as well. We learned a lot last week and I was able to put it together during today's lesson.

It was a good day.

◊ My First Lesson with Steuart Pittman - July 16, 2008

I had my first jumping lesson with Steuart Pittman today. I took Birdie and Steuart really read Birdie well. He recognized his anxiety and gave helpful advice on how to better handle it. It was a great lesson over all. However, I need to break this trend of falling off the first time I work with a new person. Yes, I fell off again. It’s terrible, but for some warped reason I am not embarrassed and feel it was a great day.

I’ve fallen off more in the last few months than the last 15 years I galloped and broke racehorses. I am athletic enough to get myself in big trouble. The only great thing is I am learning at an incredible rate. I just hope I get enough jumping skills before I break my neck. Birdie is wonderful and I know he is hoping I learn soon because he’s tired of me crashing him.

What happened? I’m not sure, except I am not looking at the jump early enough. Part of that is because of the dressage training. I’m not supposed to turn my head, and in jumping I am so the horse knows we’re going to jump that. The other problem is I do a better than decent job of leaving the horse alone, but when he doesn’t want to go, I don’t have the tools to get him to. It’s a skill I need to learn and fast. I felt sorry for Steuart, a new student and she crashes her first lesson.

He’s willing to take me on so I label him a brave individual. He really helped me and I will ride better today and every day just from what I learned yesterday. Next week I’ll be taking both Birdie and Her Highness, he said he’s willing to get on her. I can’t wait, it’s going to be fantastic to see him ride her. I’m excited to know his opinion of her.

◊ Just another day with Her Highness - July 6, 2008

Now for Graycie. I've had it, I'm not going to take it any more. Poor Graycie, she's bored so I think I'll let her abuse me. She has no respect for me whatever and it's all my fault. Today I decided I'd jump her because she's been such a miserable b**** the last week. I warmed her up and did a little canter in two point. Then I thought I'd do the five stride cross rails before I went over to the gymnastic. She did them at 800 mph at full MB (miserable b****). I naturally figured the oxer would back her off like it has in the past. After all it's not new anymore. Wrong, 900 mph at full MB. So over to the gymnastic - you know where this is going don't you? Poor JK, he had to put up with two MB's.

Okay, small cross rail, maybe 2 feet to start. Stopping her after was no picnic. So I thought a straight rail at the end might back her off. JK set it at about 2 feet. It slowed her down to 800 mph, with some really mean bounces at the end when I was stopping her. So we put the second cross rail, set at 2 feet up. She did it really fast and made it through. Totally ignored my desire to slow down and be reasonable. Now, to top it off, people are shooting guns at Glenn's, my neighbor, and she, being the nosy one, wants to pay attention to that - not to me, her stupid human. She's approaching and stopping, going sideways, running out, having nasty tantrums. I look at JK and tell him I've ruined her. I don't know what I'm doing and she's decided she hates jumping.

We put them all down on the ground and JK had to walk me through while she beat him with her head the whole way. After a few passes, I was able to walk her through myself. So JK and I decided we've over faced her and put the three jumps down to oh, as low as they will go. I walk her up she steps over, go back again, there's shooting, "I DON'T WANT TO GO HUMAN! I WANT TO SEE WHAT'S BACK THERE”.

Okay, I snapped, I've had it. She's not afraid; she doesn't respect me at all. She doesn't have to listen to me and I'm a joke. Whack! Not hard, right behind the leg. She goes. Now it's not smooth, but she's paying attention to me. This isn't seamless but she is paying attention. After a few moderately successful passes, not at 800 mph, but not the way I'd like either, I decide we need to go and school in the dressage ring, which of course, she does not want to do. I've had enough and I'm not going to take it any more. We trot, we canter, I don't care if I make her uncomfortable, she can live with it and be appreciative when Elizabeth finally straightens me out. She shook her head in defiance the whole time, but she did what I wanted to do. Tomorrow, I'm not taking any more of her abuse. She's going to have to suck it up. I think I've been spoiling her wayyyyy too much. I hope you don't have to visit me in the hospital this week, but if I'm right, we've reached a new and important plateau. I hope I’m right.

◊ The day of my first jumper show -- ever - June 21, 2008

It was decided we would go to the show. I arrived at 7:30 am. Cherie wasn’t there yet, but good old JK came with me. We’ve worked together in racehorses for twenty years. I settled in and set everything up. Cherie arrived and said they didn’t have the course out yet. I tacked up and got on Birdie. We rode around and he was great. Cherie didn’t want me to jump until after I walked the course with her. Now two things are worth mentioning. One, I’ve never been to a jumper show, even as a spectator. Two, I’ve never walked a course.

It was time for our first course. It was me and my Baby Bird. I wasn’t worried about him. He never lets me down. I was worried about me messing everything up. As we jumped the course I was overcome with emotion. He was perfect. Perfect spots, perfect rhythm. He knew why we were there and I could hear him whisper in my head, “don’t worry human, I’ll take care of this.” I was so proud of him, he was so wonderful. SNAP OUT OF IT. They’re yelling at you, “There’s one more fence!!!”

Yes, I almost messed it up, but instead we jumped clean and won the class. I won my first jumper class. Well, Birdie won it, but he let me come with him. Thank you Cherie.

The second class was not as polished. Truth be told I was tired. We did jump clean, but not fast enough and ended up third. I’m not used to being tired from riding. At one point I galloped around thirty horses a day between the morning and the farm. It didn’t matter, this type of riding made me tired. I really need to work on fitness.

◊ My first warm up arena -- ever - June 20, 2008

It was only two days after the Jimmy clinic and we were supposed to go to our first jumper show. A very small show, a C rating, just a schooling for us to try it out. I told Cherie, I’d go to the warm up on Friday, but if Birdie was as full of anxiety, I wasn’t going to show him. It wasn’t fair to do that. I was dying to know if he would be upset though, since he had finally relaxed at the clinic.

Friday night, we went, it was only five minutes from my house. When we arrived, Birdie was keyed up, but I took him off by himself and rode a while. Still strong on the bit, we went into the warm up ring. Boy, what a circus. Horses going every which way. I told Cherie I’d never say anyone at the racetrack was a bad rider again after what I’d seen there. The most important thing is in less than fifteen minutes, Birdie was starting to relax. Cherie had me jump a few fences and I was horrible. I’d never been so bad. She told me to wait, stop getting ahead. I finally did one correct and she told me to stop. I don’t know what happened to my riding, but I was now worried about me, not Birdie.

◊ First Ride with Jimmy Wofford -- A cross country clinic - June 18, 2008

Over the past year I’ve attended two or three clinics and lessons with Jimmy Wofford. Not as a rider, but helping my friend Cherie. I learned a lot and was impressed that I completely understood what he was talking about. Bear in mind I’m an exercise rider with a background in dressage. I never really learned to jump. I have jumped before, but never learned how. Truth be told, I never really had a desire to. I loved dressage, but couldn’t make a living at it. They’d pay me to ride at the track, so I went there. Racing has been very good to me and I don’t regret taking that path.

Birdie gave me an opportunity to ride in a clinic with Jimmy Wofford. Something I really wanted to do. My friend Cherie said I was ready and it would be great for my riding to have Jimmy take a look at me early in my learning. I’d gone cross country jumping twice with Cherie and it was fun, because Birdie was so fantastic. I told Cherie, I didn’t want to be the class clown. She assured me we belonged there. I’d observed the last cross country clinic with Jimmy and they didn’t jump anything I wouldn’t have been completely comfortable with. Besides, Birdie had come so far. He was much more relaxed and happy with me now. His only issue was ditches. What could go wrong?

Well, I know Jimmy Wofford sees hundreds of riders, maybe thousands. One thing I’m sure of - if I ever ride in another clinic of his, he’ll remember me – and Birdie.

When we arrived, all was great. Both Birdie and Katchi, Cherie’s horse, stood quietly on the trailer while we set up our stuff for the day. We were early and had time to watch the clinic before us for a time. So we unloaded the boys and headed down the hill to watch, and let them graze. Birdie was relaxed and I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing. We were watching the Prelim people and Cherie said, “We won’t have to jump that stuff, our jumps will be much easier.” I remembered the last cross country clinic and felt certain she was right.

There was some question as to exactly what time we were to start, and down the hill came a gal that was riding in our clinic with her horse tacked, but in a halter. We decided we should do the same. Everything was going great. Finally the time came to get on our horses and warm up. Jimmy would be coming down that hill soon to begin. I got on Birdie and it was as if an electric shock went through him. Suddenly, it was the horse that arrived at my farm. Filled with anxiety and leaning on the bit for assurance. Then he backed over a bush, a real bush too, about 3 feet high. Well, all eyes were on me and Birdie, but not to worry. I was confident if I just sat quietly, he would relax. I know from riding so many racehorses, you can’t make a big deal of anxiety. You have to just sit.

Jimmy likes to line you all up at the beginning of the clinic and learn your name and about your horse. I told him my name and that Birdie had competed to Training Level. He asked me how far I’d competed. I told him I’d learned to jump about two months ago. He said he’d have to keep an eye on me. Birdie was standing and I don’t think he was aware of the entire problem standing before him. My friend Cherie did try to help by telling Jimmy I can really ride. Thank you Cherie, I appreciate your vote of confidence.

It was time to warm up in the sand arena. We were to line up single file, leaving enough room between us and jump a simple fence. Easy enough, I was sure Birdie would soon calm down, because jumping always seemed to pacify him. Well, we went around the edge of the arena and he just didn’t want to turn, through another bush and then finally headed to the jump. “Wait, stay out of his way, don’t sit down too early”, I reminded myself as we headed to the jump. He jumped it like he always does – great. Thank you Birdie. It was that way every time, he didn’t want to turn but once headed to the jump, we were fine. I felt pressure, my horse was so up tight and leaning on me and everyone else could just, well, do the jump. Right about then Mr. Wofford said exactly what I needed to hear. Take your time, don’t worry about everyone else.

At this point, I was sure everyone there thought I was an idiot. I have a rather thick skin though and wasn’t about to give up. I came there to learn and my horse needed to get through this. I continued to sit and relax my body as much as I could. Jimmy likes you to ride on a long rein and let the horse do the work. I knew this, but I also knew there was no long rein for Birdie unless he started to relax. Jimmy covered this point before we set out to the first cross country fence. He looked at me and said he realized if I gave Birdie too much rein, he’d be gone and if I took too much hold, he’d be gone. He wanted me to try my best to get him on a longer rein throughout the day. I was glad he said that to me, because I really couldn’t let go of the hold. I’d tried it in the past when Birdie was in this mood and he not only took off, but his head went straight into the air. So much that I had to move my face to one side to keep from being hit.

Now I want to take a moment to say, I love this horse. I adore him and I knew he was just having a bad day. I wasn’t mad at him. I felt bad I couldn’t give him what he needed. If I were a better rider, I’d be able to help him. He was upset and looking to me to make it better and I was failing him.

The first cross country fence was simple, I’m not good at names so I’ll just say it looked like some logs with a little brush at the bottom. Same thing, Birdie was hard to get to the jump, but once he got there, he jumped flawlessly. My jumping style was not as good as most days, but I did a fair job. Jimmy didn’t really rag on me about getting left a little here and there. He kept reminding me to figure 8 between fences to keep Birdie busy. I tried to, the best I could, but I knew if Birdie didn’t relax soon, I was going to get tired. We only ride racehorses when they’re like this for fifteen minutes or so. Birdie had now been in this mood for over a half hour. I was still sure if I just sat there, he’d come around.

Jimmy Wofford is really great at telling you what you need to hear. That’s not the same as telling you what you want to hear. About halfway through this clinic he said to me he really liked Birdie, and that was important to me. He said Birdie just needed time and patience and would probably be a wonderful horse in four years. Well four years wasn’t exactly great news, but one thing I have is time. Remember, this is all happening because of the Gray Monster.

One thing I knew was that Birdie was teaching me. He made RIDE, he didn’t hand me anything. What kept me going on this day was the fact that I knew if I got through it, I’d be a better rider than I had been the day before. Birdie would be a better horse. I kept pushing back the little voice in the back of my head that tried to tell me I wasn’t going to make it through this day.

I was getting tired and Birdie wasn’t relaxing. It was now over halfway through this clinic and I had remodeled my goal. Now I thought, if I just got through the day, just sitting quietly on Birdie and not making a big deal of his anxiety, the next time we went out, he’d be better. In other words, I lost all hope he was going to relax on this day.

One other thing was happening. While I was sure that everyone else riding in the clinic, save Cherie thought I was an idiot at first. At this point I felt I had earned their respect. Now mind you, no one ever said or did anything the least bit unkind. This was in my head, and I guess I was feeling rather proud I’d made it this far.

Jimmy occasionally would have me do an easier jump than the others, which truthfully, I was grateful for. He then instructed us to jump this sort of fake trakehner, then gallop down a hill and up another hill to a ramp (I think that’s what it’s called). That trakehner thing looked ominous to me. It had an awfully big telephone pole on it. I took a deep breath and headed out, it was my turn. Well, Birdie did what he does, he jumped it. Hooray, I made it!! I got a little left and as I always do when that happens, I apologized to him. As Birdie always does, he accepted. Now, for the fun part, I’m great at relaxing horses in the gallop. That was one of my strong suits as an exercise rider. I let him out as he settled in to his rhythm. The ramp thing didn’t worry me at all. It seemed straight forward to me. Well you know where this is going don’t you?

I’m going to say maybe 8 strides out Birdie said to me “I’m ducking to the left”. I said “No, don’t do that”. He said, “Okay, I’m ducking to the right”. I said, don’t do that either.” Then he said something I wasn’t prepared for. He said, “Okay, I’ll go.” Now that shouldn’t be a problem, but you have to keep in mind that although Birdie does quit once in a while, it really isn’t very often. Consequently, I have not developed the skills to get a horse to jump that’s quitting. Even worse, I had never had a horse that was quitting, change his mind and decide to go. It should have been great news and it was, for a moment. When Birdie said, “Okay, I’ll go.” I reacted. I leaned forward. Now all my weight was on his forehand as he was lifting off. I’m not sure, but I think since he was planning on quitting on approach, he wasn’t paying attention to the height of the jump. At any rate, he hit it – hard – and over his head I went. He was hanging over the jump. Front feet on one side, back feet on the other. Struggling, looking over the jump. I looked up at him and pushed myself back, as soon as he saw me, he scrambled over the jump. He was looking for ME. He was in trouble and instead of saving himself, he looked for me.

What a wonderful horse. What a kind and gentle soul. Who was now running around Win Green Farm at racing speed. New reins swinging in the air, back and forth. Wow, he is fast. Everyone else was down the hill, huddled together. I was later told, Birdie seriously thought about running right through all of the innocent bystanders on horseback. Cherie said, “holy cats, I'll never forget the look in his eyes as he came around the corner (reins flapping below his neck) and zeroed in on his pack of horsey friends - myself and the other girl at the edge of the circle didn't know where to go! I just kept thinking that surely he'd have enough sense not to actually run us over!” I was up on the top of that big hill. On display for all to see, as my horse made the rounds. Birdie even took time to go in and out of a turn out shed before deciding to come back my way. As he ran by, I reached out and grabbed the reins. Lucky catch really, and he was ready to be caught anyway.

Cherie said Jimmy never said a word. It was a long walk down that hill. I was glad Birdie and I weren’t hurt. I will comment that hitting solid timber is painful, but I wasn’t hurt, hurt, if you know what I mean. I got to the bottom of the hill and a really nice girl was waiting to help me. I asked her if I should get back on, she said absolutely, so I did.

Jimmy looked over at me and said, You got a little left over the first fence, so you overcompensated and jumped ahead on the second one. Something like that. I was instructed to go and jump the first cross country jump I’d jumped that day until Birdie settled back down. Birdie did what Birdie does. He jumped like I’d never crashed him. Somehow that horse has confidence in me. When we’re approaching a jump, no matter how much I messed up the jump before; he says “I know you’re going to do it right this time!!” I don’t think I deserve it, but I’m thankful he is so forgiving.

I was tired, very tired by now. I think we went to the bank next. Jimmy had me do the small bank and then told me to rest awhile, he wanted me to be able to do the water. Birdie has always been great at the banks, but I was very glad to rest. I said to Cherie, I get the trophy for most humiliating experience and I hoped she’d never win it back from me. I’ve been present for some of her, well, not so wonderful moments. I accept the fact, it doesn’t always go the way you plan when horses are involved.

The rest of the clinic went without a hitch. After one hour and forty-five minutes, I was finally able to ride Birdie on a loose rein. He was probably tired, but I was glad we had achieved that goal. I had lost hope we would.

Now, I should have felt humiliated and sorry for myself – I think, but I didn’t. I really learned a lot. I had a stronger bond with Birdie. I had no idea how much he cared about me before that day. Also, he had finally relaxed, and had I reacted to his anxiety, it could have been a disaster. I do not believe that horses consider the time it takes to do something. I believe they think, “I did it or I didn’t do it. It was pleasant or it was unpleasant.” I don’t think they think “Ha, I made that human wait an hour to get me on that van.” Or “It took an hour and forty five minutes for me to relax that day.” I learned how to better deal with Birdie’s anxiety. I jumped lots of fences I’d never seen before. I also learned, it’s a lot better to get left than it is to jump ahead of a horse. Not only for the rider, but for the horse too. I rode under pressure and I made it through the whole clinic. I never gave up.

◊ Graycie and Elizabeth - May 17, 2008

Well, they day arrived and I was excited all day. Graycie and I were going for a lesson at 3 p.m. When we got there, she was her usual bossy self and Elizabeth was running behind. It was miserable being stuck with Graycie when she wasn’t working. I told myself she has to learn to wait and be patient and this was a good lesson.

The lesson went fabulous. Elizabeth agreed she was special, but also informed me I was irritating Graycie. Well, I knew I got on her nerves, but I didn’t know this girl already knew how I should be riding her. I also told Elizabeth I knew how to gallop, but I really didn’t know how to canter. It had been so long and I really needed help. She knew it. My seat was all wrong and I really needed to pull my right seat bone out of moth balls or where ever it was hiding.

◊ My Baby Bird and Elizabeth Madelener - March 21, 2008

In March a wonderful girl contacted me and offered me a horse that had competed to training level in eventing. I was so excited, this was the answer to my prayers. A horse that could teach me how to jump so when Graycie was ready, I could teach her.

Birdie turned out to be a fantastic jumper. He had tons of anxiety, but when it came to jumping, he was brave, reliable and kind. He even started teaching me. “Psst, aren’t you going to tell me to take off here? This is the spot.” No matter what mistake I made, he never held it against me. He approached the next jump with “I know you’re going to do it right this time”. I’ve never known a kinder or gentler soul. He was hungry for my approval and I was happy to give it.

Graycie was coming along, and I’d even jumped her a couple times, but I knew I needed to do more.

My good friend Cherie had been going on an on about this dressage instructor she had. I needed help with Birdie on the flat and I also needed help with my riding. I’d gotten as far as I was going to on my own. I decided I should get a lesson on Birdie with Elizabeth Madlener.

I’ve never considered myself the best rider in the world or anything, but I know how to ride. I did dressage in my early riding and won more than my fair share of ribbons. I galloped racehorses for 20 years or so and earned the respect of my peers.

I was excited to get a lesson. I really wanted to get myself improved and was anxious to help Birdie. That day, I left that lesson, knowing I don’t even know how to ride. Plain and simple, I am a total idiot.

Now I’m no quitter. I don’t give up without a fight. So I tortured myself for the next week. Riding everything I could, working on sitting correctly, getting my legs back and trying to find my right seat bone. I have no idea where it was hiding, but I couldn’t get in on the saddle to save my life.

The day of dread came and it was time for the second lesson. I had worked hard but, didn’t expect anyone to notice. I still felt like an incompetent in the tack, but I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. I had this wonderful horse, Birdie to think of and then there was the most magnificent creature to ever walk the earth to consider.

This lesson went well. Now mind you, I still had a hell of a climb to get where I wanted to go, but I was on my way. I felt it a good time to bring up the Gray Monster. I needed to lay down the ground work with Elizabeth because in my mind Graycie was special and I wanted to be sure whoever helped me would never damage her spirit. It was decided the next lesson would be on her. I made arrangements to ship Graycie over to the indoor during the week so I could see how she’d react. She hadn’t been off the farm since she was a race horse.

My plan was to longe her and then get on her if she seemed okay. It was a flashback to the past. 900 mph on the longe line, I don’t know how she stays up. I know, occasionally she doesn’t. She calmed down to a dull roar and I elected to get on. JK said “Are you sure?”. I said “No, but I’m going to anyway.” It was a little creepy at first, but she calmed down and was quite good.

◊ Cross Country and Graycie -- Not a good idea. - March 6, 2008

Things were going okay in our training of "circle, circle", but Graycie had her moments of resistance. She was very annoyed that nothing fun ever happened. I tried my best to give her variety.

We set out with Punkie, my tried and true horse on a cross country hack. Punkie actually broke Graycie and I felt it could lead to a breakthrough. Well I couldn’t get back to the barn fast enough. It was decided she wasn’t ready for hacks.

During this time I was riding as many horses as I could to work on getting my dressage seat back. I had been an exercise rider for 20 some years and it had been ages since I did anything other than break babies and gallop. I knew I needed some lessons, but I also needed to get “good enough’’ to take lessons.

◊ Riding Her - February 25, 2008

By the end of February, I felt confident I should start riding her. She was longeing decently and I thought she’d be happier if she was ridden. How hard could it be to just do a few circles in front of the barn after longeing?

Well, I longed her first and that went well, so I removed the side reins and got on from the mounting block. JK peeked out of the barn to see what would happen. I just rode her around on the flat area in front of my barn. There are always a few jumps set up out there. She was a typical ottb, in that she didn’t know how to turn off the leg and seat and wanted to rubber neck a bit when you resorted to the rein. You see, racehorses do steer, but we rarely turn them. About 20 minutes of that and she was relaxed and I thought I better stop on a good note.

◊ My beautiful girl gets hurt - January 12, 2008

Back to longeing. It rained for a few days and the ground got worse with each day. I need to build a longe pen with footing, but I haven’t the funds yet. My biggest money maker is now retired and hating life – Graycie. I have millings in front of my barn. They are ground up asphalt from roads. They do have a bit of give to them so I thought I could longe her there until the ground got better. It was working so well I decided to order a truck load to expand the area. It gave us a place with stable footing and I was concerned since she had fallen down on greasy footing.

Then one morning the fillies in the field nearby came running around to the front and Graycie leapt into the air really high. When she landed she lost her footing and fell down, breaking one side rein. She really hit the ground hard. There really wasn’t enough cushion in those millings. When she got up she had scrapes on her knee, ankle, hock, stifle and chest. It hurt her, I had never seen Graycie in pain before. She had never suffered any injury during racing. She did get a cut on her ankle once but that didn’t seem to bother her at all. Now she was in pain and I couldn’t stand to see that magnificent creature reduced to a depressed animal in pain.

I talked to Carol one of my vets who understands my relationship with horses very well. Carol doesn’t even make me feel like a kook. I was afraid I was breaking Graycie’s heart. She was hurt and depressed and had lost that fire in her eye. Carol assured me she would get through this. She only needed to accept this new life and it would take time. I wasn’t going to extinguish the bright spirit that was Graycie.

Well, it’s a funny thing about that girl getting hurt. You see, she’s smart and from that day on she took longeing seriously. She began to settle down and find a rhythm. She started to carry herself and find the best way to navigate those irritating circles. For the first time I saw this could be possible. It was now.

◊ See why I hate longeing, Human? - December 29,2007

We did graduate to longeing in the open, but she was still very fast and not relaxed at all. After four weeks I decided to give her another months rest. When I started again it was the end of December. She did remember how to longe and also remembered how much she hated it. The ground isn’t as good in December and it was greasy one day and you guessed it, she fell down. When she got up, she was covered with mud and completely humiliated. I felt bad, I’d never seen the Gray Monster embarrassed before. Now she had more evidence that longeing was stupid.

In all fairness to her, I broke her as a yearling and remained her primary rider throughout her career. Race training is rather predictable and she could count on me to be consistent. Graycie loved to know what was going to happen. She was a “know it all”. It was as if one day I got up, came down to the barn, and completely lost my mind. Everything was the same, same rider, same farm, but now I wanted her to run around a stupid circle every day. I was beginning to lose hope she’d ever take to this.

It was suggested by more than a few people I breed her. After all she was beautiful and an outstanding mover. Athletic and extremely intelligent are her main qualities. I didn’t think she’d ever be happy as a broodmare. For me it was all about her, so I had a talk with her about the fact that I was probably too old to become an eventer, but I was definitely too old to start steeplechase training.

Why, you ask didn’t I just hack her around the farm and leave the longeing for another time? Good question, the answer is she doesn’t hack. She only trains. Graycie has no use for meandering around the farm on trails. It’s okay to stroll around for ten minutes or so, but after that it’s time to train and if you don’t want to train, she’ll have a fit. Now when an extremely athletic horse has a fit, it’s intense and unpleasant. I really didn’t want to reprimand her for anything when she already hated everything about the new training. I also felt she should have more basic riding skills before tackling this, since it wasn’t relaxing her and she didn’t seem to like it either. She wanted to gallop, plain and simple. I wanted to gallop too. She was fun to gallop. Every exercise rider learns to gallop so they can someday ride a horse like her. She wasn’t for a beginner, but what a fabulous ride.

◊ Graycie and longeing - November 25, 2007

So after about a month rest on the farm I decided it’s time to teach her to longe. I know I have to do it in the round pen because there’s no way she’s going to stay around in the open. She was always a very good gate horse. There would be no problem getting away from me and my stupid whip with no fence to contain her.

Longeing was a long and tedious process with this girl. She hated it. I mean really hated it. She also went faster around a 20 meter circle than any other horse I’ve ever seen. It was incredible that she remained standing up, and she did for the first few weeks. She kept looking at me in the beginning and I was thinking if she decides to run me over, I’m dead meat. I’m glad she never decided to mow me down. My philosophy was if I just waited and didn’t make a big deal of it, she’d begin to relax and accept it. But she just continued to hate it.

◊ My Bear - February 11, 2010

◊ The best horse in the world! - January 21, 2010

◊ Graycie - December 31, 2009

◊ We Survived - October 19, 2009

◊ Willie Wonkie - September 22, 2009

◊ My body hates me - July 26, 2009

◊ Fair Hill - July 7, 2009

◊ More Dressage - June 16, 2009

◊ My first horse trial, ever - June 7, 2009

◊ The Dressage Show - May 25, 2009

◊ Two days with Lucinda Green - April 23, 2009

◊ Rating - April 9, 2009

◊ Brilliance - April 2, 2009

◊ Learning a lesson in a riding lesson - April 1, 2009

◊ The Giving of Permission - March 14, 2009

◊ The accelerator - March 10, 2009

◊ Elizabeth - March 9, 2009

◊ The most magnificent creature to ever walk the earth - February 27, 2009

◊ one, two, three, four, five, SIX, SEVEN - February 15, 2009

◊ Momentary Despair - February 6, 2009

◊ Did you ever jump without reins? - January 17, 2009

◊ I think I think too much but it works for me - January 6, 2009

◊ What a week - January 4, 2009

◊ The other half of the equation - December 19, 2008

◊ A true gift - December 18, 2008